


We're All Mad Here

by DirtyHarrysMother



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1970s, Abuse, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - 1970s, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asylum, Blackmail, Consensual Sex, Corporal Punishment, Dark, Doctor Louis, Doctor Zayn, Doctor/Patient, Enemies to Friends, Fast Pace, Fluff and Angst, Guard Liam, Homophobia, Horror, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Illnesses, Insane Harry, Insanity, Isolation, Lots Of Baths, Louis Is Bad At First, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Murder, Muteness, NONE OF THE BOYS DIE, Neglect, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot Twists, Protective Harry, Protective Liam, Rape/Non-con Elements, Secret Relationship, Self-Harm, Sick Ashton, Therapy, Unsolved Murder, Violence, shock therapy, some blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyHarrysMother/pseuds/DirtyHarrysMother
Summary: Worker Liam Payne is the first to discover the gruesome and brutal murder of Dr. Benjamin C. Salvator. The only witness just so happens to be eighteen year old patient Ashton Irwin who was found unconscious at the scene. As a result of post traumatic stress from witnessing the brutal murder Ashton became mute and the case has been left cold. Over the past several months since the murder of Dr. Salvatore several doctors have worked with Ashton in order to close the case but he refuses to talk. After the last doctor quits Dr. Louis Tomlinson is hired and takes a particular interest in Ashton and is determined to repair him but uncovers the real mystery at Angelic Lake Asylum.OR - Basically Louis Tomlinson is called into the Angelic Lake Asylum and shit goes down.OR - I just suck at writing summarys but it's a great story so please check it out lol





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> I am still working on this story and it's one of my favorites I just wanted to put it out there that this story revolves a lot around abuse and darker themes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 19th, 1972
> 
> Late Saturday evening at Angelic Lake Asylum worker Liam Payne discovered a gruesome scene. Like always Liam made his way to Dr. Benjamin C. James lab to pick up a patient. When he saw the door to lab was left wide open he automatically knew something was wrong. He rushed in but he was too late. Liam found Dr. James lying motionless in a pool of blood. His patient, eighteen year old, Ashton Irwin, who he had been working with before his sudden death, was found unconscious in the back corner of the lab. It has been determined that Dr. Benjamin C. James cause of death was several blows to the head using an iron rod and he was stabbed with various pieces of medical equipment. Authorities have not been able to get Ashton to speak but they are certain he did not murder the doctor. Doctors have determined the patient is traumatised. Authorities currently have no leads on the case and don’t believe they will anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of May 11th 2017 this story is in editing. I was stupid and had no outline of the story and the plot went everywhere so it is being rewritten. I figured it was best to do since not many people are reading it at the moment.

 

 _“Little Alice fell_  
_d_  
_o_  
_w_  
_n_  
_the hOle,_  
_bumped her head_  
_and bruised her soul”_

_****_

**November 1st, 1975**

Liam didn’t have much faith in the man but he did hope that maybe he could at least manage to get Ashton to speak. He wearily looked the doctor up and down. He looked just like the rest of them. His hair was styled to the sides. He wore a pair of charcoal colored slacks, a faded navy cardigan, with a clean white button up underneath. The doctor gave him a smug smile and extended his hand.

“Dr. Louis Tomlinson.” He said giving Liam's hand a firm shake. Liam nodded and motioned for the man to follow him.

“I’m assuming you already got the rundown of the place?” Liam asked bluntly. His loud voice echoed through the empty hallways. Louis shook his head and began to follow the guard. He walked behind the guard cautiously with his hands stuffed in his coat pockets. The empty hallways gave him the chills. The only sound heard was the clicking of the guards bulky boots slapping against the tile floor. Louis cleared his throat desperate to end the eerie silence that filled the halls.

“You never told me your name.” Louis said. The guard stopped at the elevator and turned to the new doctor as he clicked the button.

“Liam Payne.” He said before turning back around towards the elevator doors. Louis nervously bit his lip and waited for the ding of the elevator. He followed Liam into the elevator and faced the doors. The elevator dinged again and began to go down.

“Pardon me Mr. Payne but you sure seem a bit cold towards me.” Louis finally said. Liam frowned and turned towards Louis.  

“Nothing towards you personally Dr. Tomlinson but I just feel that any type of therapy you are planning on to make Ashton talk is pointless. He will not talk unless he wants to. He is quite stubborn.” Liam's tone towards the doctor was still cold. He waited for the ding of the elevator and began to walk down the hall into the basement. Louis grabbed his briefcase and hurried after Liam.

“I don’t know what types of things you had in mind but I can promise you I will not be performing any of those barbaric treatments you may have read about in the papers.” Louis replied trying to keep calm. Liam shrugged still keeping his head forward as he walked.

“Then what exactly do you plan to do with him Dr. Tomlinson?” Liam asked with his same cold tone. He stopped in front of a large metal door and turned towards Louis with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Well if you must know I plan to work with him in a non hostile way. Get him some sunlight and maybe let him out of that jail cell of a room you have confined him in. Maybe take him outside before the snow comes-”

“I did not trap him in that room and he can not go outside.” Liam quickly interrupted. Louis crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.

“And why can’t he go outside? Is he a prisoner?” Louis asked stubbornly. Liam sighed and reached for the keyring in his pocket. He began to unlock the two locks that secured the door shut. He noticed the odd look the doctor gave him and sighed.

“I don’t know where you were educated at Dr. Tomlinson but here at Angelic Lake Asylums we operate differently. We give our patients freedom and the moment they break that freedom they lose rights. Ashton has broken his freedom of going outside and he is no longer able to…” Liam's voice drifted off as he opened the door. The room was rather small but big enough for a bed and one patient. A boy sat on the edge of the bed staring blankly out the window. His blonde hair was wet and beginning to curl at the ends. He wore a pair only a pair of grey cotton pants and no shirt. Small beads of water dripped down from the boys hair and fell onto his bare chest.

“Didn’t know they scheduled him for hydrotherapy today” Liam mumbled to himself. He let the door slam behind him and immediately grabbed the towel folded on Ashton's pillow and the shirt. He stood in front of the boy.

“They left you a towel and shirt Ashton. It’s on your pillow where it always is.” Louis noted the change in Liam's tone. His tone was more cheerful and gentle rather than harsh and cold. He watched Liam unfold the towel and wrap it around Ashton's shivering body. Ashton let out a quiet whimper and tugged at the towel around himself. Liam sighed and rubbed the towel in against Ashton's cold skin.

“They could have at least dried you off.” Liam mumbled to himself. He took the towel and quickly dried Ashton's hair. Liam wrapped the towel back around Ashton, smoothed down the boys messy hair, quickly grabbed the baggy cotton shirt, and slipped it over Ashton's head.

“You have a visitor Ashton. This is Dr. Tomlinson our new doctor.” Liam finally said. His voice was cheerful again. Ashton turned his head slowly and stared at Louis. His eyes were blank and emotionless. His skin was very pale and sickly. He tugged at the towel wrapped around him and looked back down at his socks.

“Well he is all yours Dr. Tomlinson.” Liam said. He began to walk towards the door but stopped beside Louis. “You better not fuck him up anymore than he already is.” Liam whispered in his cold voice. He left the room slamming the door shut. Louis shivered and nervously walked closer to Ashton. He gripped his brief case a little tighter before finally setting it on the edge of the bed.

The room was silent. He looked around the empty room again and couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy.

Louis sighed and opened his briefcase. He pulled out a dinner roll and showed the bread to Ashton. Ashton’s eyes widened and he reached for the roll. Originally Louis planned on using the food as a way to make Ashton talk but he could see the boy was hungry and he wasn’t that cruel to starve him.

Ashton broke the dinner roll in half and set one half on his nightstand. Most likely saving it for later.

“You can eat it all now Ashton. You will get dinner later remember?” Louis said. Ashton looked at Louis then back at the half of the dinner roll and plopped back down on his bottom.

Ashton took a large bite of the roll and smiled slightly as he swallowed it. His lips looked chapped and his skin was so pale it made Louis feel slightly sick. He wished he had brought more food to feed Ashton since he seemed so hungry. Louis had more than enough in his room he thought the patients had the same but obviously not.

“How long have you been in this room Ashton?” Louis asked already knowing the answer. Ashton shrugged and swallowed another bite of the roll. He knew Ashton wouldn’t answer him but he knew he had to at least try.

Louis watched sadly as the boy eagerly devoured the roll. It was the first of November. Dr. Harden had told him that the “incident” happened on the last day of August. They kept him in here for eight months. No going outside, no socialization, nothing but himself and a bed. That made Louis sick. He did have a window but he wasn’t on the sunny side of the building. They did feed him but only twice a day

“I’m not going to make you talk Ashton. I know that won’t help anything.” Louis said. Ashton lifted his head making eye contact with the doctor. Louis could tell it was a start even if it wasn’t much. “Can you nod for yes and no if I ask you questions?” Louis asked. Ashton paused for a second and tugged the towel tighter around his body. He brought his legs up onto the bed and laid down on his side facing away from Louis.

Louis sighed and moved closer to the boy still leaving some space in between them though. Ashton sat up and moved towards the headboard. He leaned his back against it sitting criss cross and faced Louis. He still held the towel around his body and shivered.

“I’m not gonna hurt you Ashton.” Louis said. Ashton shook his head and tugged the blanket tighter around his body. “Did the other doctors hurt you?” Louis asked. The boy opened his mouth for a moment but immediately closed it shut and shook his head no. Louis reached into his briefcase and pulled out a notepad and pen. The boy watched curiously as Louis began to write down his observations so far. Halfway through his first paragraph he felt a presence. He slowly looked up and found Ashton sitting criss cross in the middle of the bed about a foot away from him. He chuckled and gave him a soft smile.

Louis put the notepad to the side and reached in his briefcase. He pulled out a small pack of cards and held them up for Ashton to see.

“Would you like to play cards Ashton?” He asked. Ashton nodded eagerly. Louis began to play a game of Go-Fish with Ashton. When it was Ashton's turn he held up the cards to ask and shook his head yes and no when it was Louis's turn. Louis could see that the boy was slightly happy even though his eyes looked cloudy but he felt like he might have accomplished gaining some trust.

As they began to wrap up their second game of Go-Fish the door opened and Liam appeared. He gave Louis the signal it was time to go. Louis sighed and shuffled his half of the deck and placed it back in the tiny card box.

“How about we do this again Friday?” Ashton nodded and handed his stack of cards to Louis. He gave Louis a small nod as his way of saving thank you. Louis did the same and closed his briefcase.

“All set Dr. Tomlinson?” Liam asked impatiently. Louis nodded and exited the room leaving the boy behind. He watched Liam lock the door again.

“I would like to take him on the balcony Friday.” Louis said. Liam finished the last lock and turned to Louis, giving him an odd lock. “His skin is pale and he needs more sunlight. It will make him feel better.” Louis said simply. Liam sighed and leaned his back against the tan brick wall.

“He can’t go outside he will run. He lost his privileges.” Liam sighed.

“He can not run if he is on a balcony.” Louis snapped back quickly. Liam frowned and narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t know what you are trying to do here Dr. Tomlinson but your nonsense with card games and feeding him dinner rolls won’t last long here.”

“I am gaining his trust.” Louis replied. Liam sighed again and ran his hand through his hair.

“Fine.” Liam finally agreed.

The common room was more lively than the rest of the asylum. Faint music played from an old jukebox and the dim murmur of patients could be heard. Several different groups of patients were scattered about the common room. Most lingered over by the couches and chairs near the windows.

Louis headed towards the larger groups first with his medication cart and slowly began to check off each patient's name. Next he moved onto the smaller groups. He spotted a curly haired boy sitting by himself at the table next to a group of four boys. He was busy reading a book but Louis wheeled his cart over anyways.

“Mr. Styles?” Louis asked reading the boys tag. The boy looked up and immediately frowned seeing it was a doctor. “I have your pills.” Louis said. The boy reached out his hand and grabbed the cup without saying anything. He kept direct eye contact with Louis and popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed thickly. Still keeping his cold stare he handed the dixie cup back to Louis. He looked back down at his book without saying one word to Louis.

“Louis sighed and checked the patient off his list.

He finally came to the last group of four boys. He moved to the next table beside Harry's where four boys sat. Three of the boys were busy putting together a jigsaw puzzle of what seemed to be a litter of kittens. The fourth boy had his head down on the table with his eyes turned away from Louis. They all wore outfits similar to Ashton in different shades of greyish blues.

Louis approached them slowly and read the boy's name tags. He went to his cart and picked up the three small blue dixie cup labeled Niall H, Michael C, and Calum H. Louis set the four cups down on the table beside the blonde boy.

“What is that?” The boy with the blonde hair spat. His irish accent was thick. He stubbornly pushed away the pills and crossed his arms. Louis sighed and pushed the dixie cup back towards the boy whose tag read Niall.

“Please just take them. We switched up your meds.” Louis said trying to keep calm. He picked up the cup with Niall's name on it and handed the cup to the boy. He hadn’t had any other problems giving patients their pills so he expected the boy to just take them.

“No. You are gonna drug me. Then you will rape me and beat me like the other doctors.” Niall hissed. Louis felt sick hearing that the doctors “raped and beat” paitents but decided to push that to the back of his mind for now.

“Please just take them-” Louis was abruptly cut off when a second patient with fluffy dark brown hair smacked the cup out of Niall's hands.

“Don’t take em’ Niall!” The boy yelled. Louis frowned and bent down picking up the pills off the floor.

“Stop yellin’ Niall. Were gonna get in trouble.” Another boy hissed. Louis sighed and put the pills back in the cup and looked at the boys sitting around the small round table. The boy with bleached blond hair lifted his head up and looked over at Niall then at Louis.

“Who are you?” He mumbled. His skin was pale like Ashton's and he also had bags under his eyes but not as severe. Louis pointed to his plastic name tag with one finger.

“I’m Dr. Tomlinson I -”

“You here to help Ashton.” The boy interrupted. Louis sighed and ran his hand through his hair trying not to get angry with the boys. He just had to get them to take their pills then he could move on. The boy jumped out of his seat and stepped closer to Louis.

“Ya’ better help him. They fucked him up. And if you fuck him up I swear I will-”

“Having a problem here Dr. Tomlinson?” A deeper voice asked. The man was larger than Liam and bulkier. He wore the same guard outfit as Liam though. He grabbed the bleached hair boy and yanked him backwards by the wrists.

“Are you already acting up Clifford?” The man spat. Louis quickly recognised the man as Grizzle or as Liam called him Grizzly. Liam had quickly introduced him to the man earlier that day. He could see why Liam called him Grizzly. He was almost twice the size of Liam and had more muscle too. Liam had told him earlier that Grizzly was the head guard one position above Liam. He distributed punishments and enforced rules.

“Answer me Clifford.” Grizzle hissed shaking the boy's wrists. Michael flinched and opened his mouth but he couldn't seem to form the words. He knew that if he fucked up again he would get a worse punishment than yesterday. Michael pulled away from the guard and scurried back over to the other side of the table using Calum's as a shield.

“I think I can handle this Grizzle.” A voice said. Both Grizzle and Louis turned to see an unfamiliar man in a white coat standing behind them. Grizzle grumbled something under his breath before stomping away from the scene and making his way over to another group of patients. Liam turned to the three boys and frowned.

“Take your pills please boys so Dr. Tomlinson can continue his work.” The doctor said as if it was so simple. To Louis's surprise the three boys quickly took their pills and continued playing checkers. The doctor motioned for Louis to follow him up the stairs to the observation balcony overlooking the common room. He turned towards a smaller door and motioned for Louis to follow him into another room.

The room was a small office with a one way window that overlooked the common room. The doctor closed the door and headed towards the tall file cabinets in the back corner.

“Sorry for my rude introduction Dr. Tomlinson. I am Dr. Harden.” He said as he continued to search through the cabinets. Louis nodded and watched the doctor rummage through the drawers. Finally he made an intrigued ‘aha’ sound and pulled out several files and began to toss them on the small circular table. Dr. Harden finally slammed the drawer shut and motioned for Louis to sit.

“Would you like some tea Dr. Tomlinson?” Dr. Harden asked motioning towards the tea kettle. Louis adjusted his cardigan and smiled softly.

“That would be lovely.” Louis replied. Dr. Harden wandered over to the kettle and poured two cups of tea. He returned to the table quickly and sat across from Louis. Dr. Harden handed one cup to Louis who muttered a quiet thank you. Dr. Harden situated himself in his chair and set down his tea cup. He then slid a faded green file towards Louis and leaned forward on the table.

“I thought I would take it upon myself to introduce you to some of our most active patients here at Angelic Lakes.” Dr. Harden said.

“I think that would be very helpful.” Louis replied taking the faded green folder.

“Well i’ll let you glance through the folders. Just ask if you have any questions or concerns.” Dr. Harden said. Louis gave him a curt nod and watched the doctor walk towards the one way window looking out at the common room below.

The hospital was a lot smaller than Louis imagined. It was located away from society on a smaller island about a few hours away from London. There is a bridge that connects the island to the mainland though. It was only three floors; the basement, the ground floor, and the second floor. The asylum was a part of a bigger state run asylum but they built this one to take care of some of the younger patients. They only had less than fifty patients.

Louis anxiously opened the top file and recognised the photograph immediately. It was the boy from earlier with the irish accent.  

He pulled out the picture and the paper clipped to it.

_Niall (21) - Native of Ireland - Resident at Angelic Lake Asylum since June 1969 - Admitted  by authorities as a result of his abuse of alcohol. He was rendered unmanageable and caused his arrest by his family under the charge of Insanity -Diagnosed with alcoholism, depression, and claustrophobia._

He flipped the paper and recognised the next boy also.

_Calum (17) - Native of Austrailia - Resident at Angelic Lake Asylum since October 1973 - Admitted by concerned parents for suspicion of homosexual tendencies after catching their son with a male partner. Diagnosed with erotophobia (fear of female genitals), imbecility, sexual and psychological disorder,_

He began to flip through the other patients reading their diagnoses and finally came to one he recognised.

_Michael (18) - Native of Austrailia - Resident at Angelic Lake Asylum since mid August 1973 - Michael was arrested along with his friend and rumored lover Luke Hemmings for destruction of property at his step fathers house. In a fit of rage he shot a police officer during their arrest and both boys were brought to prison where Michael was declared mentally insane and transferred to Angelic Lakes Asylum. Diagnosed with insanity, homosexual, minor anxiety, and acute mania. Was supposted to be released August of 1974 but was kept for farther evaluation._

“Why are their files attached?” Louis asked shuffling the papers around. Dr. Harden turned around and made his way back to Louis. He peaked over his shoulder and chuckled seeing Luke and Michael's files.

“They came here at the same time. Quite rare to be admitted to the asylum along with someone you know but they are a special case.” Dr. Harden chuckled. “Partners in crime and best friends. Don’t know how they stay friends though they tend to fight like a married couple.” Dr. Harden pulled over his chair and sat beside Louis. He lifted a second file from the stack and placed it on top of the old folders.

“I think Liam introduced you to Ashton am I correct?” Dr. Harden asked opening the file. Louis nodded. He stared at the black and white photograph of Ashton and felt slightly sick. He looked fairly healthy in the photograph much different from how he looked now. He reached for the paper attached to Ashton's folder.

_Ashton (18) - Native of Austrailia - Resident at Angelic Lake Asylum since February 1968 - Admitted by parents for suspicion of mania - diagnosed with abnormal anxiety, incoherency, and acute mania - As of February 19th, 1969 he has fallen into a state of shock as a result of witnessing the murder of Dr. Benjamin C. James. Has been placed in a separate ward since the incident and has become mute and unable to take care of himself._

“Now I know you are probably thinking it’s fairly obvious that Ashton probably murdered Dr. James but we are certain he did not. He physically was incapable of murdering the doctor since he was strapped down.” Dr. Harden explained. Louis nodded silently still staring at the photograph.

Dr. Harden reached for another file and plopped it on top of Ashton's.

“And this is Harry.” Dr. Harden said. He opened the red file and Louis stared at the photograph. Harry looked fairly the same as his photograph.

_Harry (20) - Native of United Kingdom - Resident at Angelic Lake Asylum since late November of 1966 - Since the age of seven, he has claimed to be haunted by spirits. At age fifteen authorities received a call from concerned parents and authorities immediately evacuated Styles from his home and brought him to Angelic Lake. For the last few years especially, two last years, he has fallen into a state of idiocy, barely speaking with doctors but speaks with other patients. Diagnosed with mania, demonophobia, hallucinations. As of early March 1969 has developed insomnia for unknown reasons._

“And what is his diagnosis?” Louis asked. Dr. Harden chuckled and began to shuffle the papers back into their files.

“Quite unsure exactly what is wrong with him. I don’t work with him much. He doesn’t take kindly to doctors so I tend to keep my distance.” Dr. Harden explained. Louis nodded again. He bit the inside of his cheek and watched Dr. Harden return the folders to their drawers.

“I know what you must be thinking Dr. Tomlinson. How did all these kids end up here? Well honestly I don’t know. Once you are locked up in here I think you kind of just turn crazy. Surprised I haven’t yet but lets hope you don’t turn out like the rest of those doctors.”

“And what exactly happened to the rest of the doctor's?” Louis asked. Dr. Harden laughed loudly and slammed cabinet shut.

“Oh they just went slightly mad.”

“They went mad?”

“You know… how do I say this? Lost some screws, went bonkers, became mad as a hatter.”

Louis stared at the doctor utterly confused. Dr. Harden sighed and placed his hand on Louis’s shoulder.

“Dr. Tomlinson what i’m trying to say is that we're all mad here.”

 


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a nightmare and attends his first therapy session with Dr. Tomlinson 
> 
> Calum sneaks in to visit Ashton and gets caught

 

__

_“I could tell you my adventures – beginning from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly:_

_“but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”_

_**** _

**November 2nd 1975** 2:00 am

A loud scream echoed through the empty halls. Liam quickly shook himself awake ran down the hall towards the commotion. He stopped in the middle of the hallway trying to figure out exactly which room the scream came from. He heard it again, but this time it was louder. He rushed towards the noise and stopped at Harry’s room. He flung open to the door and flipped on the light.

He rushed over to the bed and he shook Harry awake. Harry gasped and grabbed Liam by the shoulders digging his nails deep into Liam's skin.

“He gonna get him.” Harry mumbled, shaking his head back and forth. He pushed himself off Liam and fell back onto his bed. “They gonna get him.” Harry continued to mumble. He jumped off the bed and began to run towards the open door. Liam quickly ran after him, catching him before he escaped. He forcefully dragged Harry back to the bed and pushed him down.

“Harry you need to take deep breaths nobody's gonna get him.” Liam said keeping his voice calm. He already knew the drill.

“No! He gonna get him. He said he gonna get him!” Harry yelled pushing Liam. Liam frowned and pushed Harry back down onto his back.

“Gonna get who Harry?” Liam asked. He already knew the answer. Harry never told him who they would gonna get he would only scream louder and become more violent. Harry shook his head violently. Liam pressed down on his wrists, keeping him from hurting himself.

“Gonna get him!” Harry screamed. Harry began to kick his legs and Liam quickly pressed down on his stomach trying to get him to be still. Harry whimpered and threw his head back.

“Hurts!” Harry groaned.

“Harry please take deep breaths. I don’t want to give you the needle.” Liam sighed. He pulled Harry up position him with his back against the wall. Harry finally let out a shaky breath and stopped trying to fight Liam. He allowed Liam to sit beside him and stroke his back. He leaned on Liam sightly.

Liam was one of the workers, he trusted. He didn’t understand why Liam chooses to work in such a terrible place, but he was happy that he did. Liam was only about four or five years older than him so he was one of the younger workers.

“Sorry for the freak out.” Harry sighed. Liam pulled Harry in giving him a loose side hug.

“It’s not your fault you know that.” He still shook his head. He didn’t understand why he had these nightmares. He was almost twenty one years old. But Liam still kept him in a side hug.

“I’m gonna schedule an appointment for you with Dr. Tomlinson.” Harry pulled away from Liam and frowned.

“The twink?” Harry spat. Liam rolled his eyes.

“If he was a twink he would be in this asylum Harry. And he is a nice, well educated man he will help you. He is already helping Ashton quite well.”

“He better not fuck him up.” Harry mumbled. He still worried about Ashton. He never talked to the boy much before the incident besides a few small short casual conversations but he still worried.

“You can meet with him tomorrow.” Liam stood up and brushed off his slacks. He began to make his way to the door.

“I don’t want to.” Harry said stubbornly. Liam turned around and frowned.

“It wasn’t up for discussion.” Liam said sternly. Harry sighed and laid back down, knowing he wouldn’t win this fight. Liam reached for the light switch on his way out.  
“Wait!” Harry gasped. He sat up quickly. Liam spun around worried. “Can you leave the light on?”

 

 **November 2nd 1975** 10:00 am

Harry rocked back and forth anxiously in his chair waiting for the doctor to arrive. He didn’t want to talk to the doctor. He didn’t care how educated the man was he knew his problems couldn’t be fixed. The doctor would do what all the others had done over the years. He would pretend to care deeply about his problems, run some tests, force him to take some bullshit pills, then never speak of the situation again.

The door cracked open and a man a little shorter than Harry appeared. His hair was slicked back and he wore a pair of thick framed black glasses. He didn’t wear a lab coat like Dr. Malik though. Instead he wore a pair of charcoal colored slacks, and a red pullover sweater. He gave Harry a smug smile and sat down in his desk chair facing Harry.

“Hello Mr. Styles.” Harry cringed hearing the man's chirpy happy voice. Louis shuffled around some papers and finally looked at Harry. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward onto his cluttered desk.

“How has your day been so far?” Louis asked.

“Ecstatic.” Harry said emotionlessly. He could hear the thick coat of sarcasm in his tone. The way Harry had no emotion scared him slightly. It puts an unpleasant knot in his stomach. Louis shifted uncomfortably and let out a nervous chuckle.  

“How do you feel about trying a test?” Louis asked. Harry shrugged. Louis reached into his desk drawer and pulled out several papers. He held up the first one. “What do you in this [ picture ](https://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/e893df20-ba65-4b70-945b-12bc7e482a2b/9e28c214-88d8-41ab-acc9-5a57b52591d1.jpg)?” Louis asked. Harry squinted at the painting for a moment.

“Two turtles preparing for sexual intercourse.” Harry said. Louis peaked over the paper at the boy. His face was stone cold. Either he was crazy or a great actor. Louis nodded slowly and picked up a [ second picture ](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-10/12/13/tmp/webdr02/ddcf8c0c3f39160f18e2a8f421822de6-5.jpg?no-auto%20).

Harry leaned forward, taking a closer look at the image. He dramatically cleared his throat.

“Two disfigured ducks who are about to chest-bump but realised they are both males and have no breasts to bump together.” Louis frowned at Harry's stupid answer.

“Mr. Styles if you are not going to take this test seriously, there are many other ways I can diagnose you.” Louis sighed. Harry groaned and slouched in his chair.

“Fine. Show me another.” Harry grumbled. Louis nodded and pulled out a [ third paper ](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4b/96/ac/4b96ac7c71c1c02ce3b2d0e420c19666.jpg%20).

“Two fairies.” Harry said honestly. Louis nodded and scribbled down the quick response. He held up a few more and Harry gave him fairly normal answers like seeing animals and insects. He pulled out the last card and held it up for Harry to see. This time he paused. His leg began to jitter slightly. He became noticeably anxious.

“Uh two people.” Harry mumbled. Louis nodded.

“What gender do you see Mr. Styles?” He asked. Harry continued to stare at the image. All he could see was two figures. He could make out both genders. There were obviously a penis and a breast.

“Uh both?” Harry said. Louis bit his lower lip and quickly scribbled something on his notepad. He held up one [ last image ](https://cinemainterruptus.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/rorschach-inkblot-card-3.jpg%20). To Harry the image looked odd, but also eerie. It looked almost like a monster. He shifted in his chair and continued to stare at the image.

“Um a creature…” Harry mumbled. Louis nodded and motioned for Harry to continue.

“Can you describe that figure?” Louis asked.

“Um maybe big like you are looking up at it.” His voice was quieter. Louis nodded and scribbled one last note on the paper. He picked back up the third image of the two people.

“What did you see in this one Harry?” Louis looked back at his notes. “You said you saw two androgynous figures. Is that correct?” He asked.

“I guess.” Harry shrugged.

“Is that actually what you see Harry?” Louis asked. He placed the paper to the side and leaned onto his elbows.

“I don’t see why it matters much Dr. Tomlinson. I’m not a homosexual if that is what you are getting at.” Harry began to anxiously fidget again. Louis hummed and began to pack the pictures back away in a folder.

“Well that is good to note.” Louis said. He had made a note of his concern on the paper. He decided he would look more into that later. He decided to move onto his next concern with the last image.

“How was your relationship with your Mother?” Louis asked. Harry frowned at the random question. Harry bit his tongue resisting the strong urge he had to yell at the doctor for asking such a dumb question.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“How about your Father? How was your relationship with her?” He continued.

“How was your relationship with your Father?” Harry replied. Louis frowned at his snarky attitude.

“I believe you may have a problem with authority and developing relationships Mr. Styles.” Harry shrugged. “Harry, I think maybe your stay might be more enjoyable if maybe you had someone to spend it with. I noticed you sit alone often times.” Louis said.

“I don’t need friends to be happy.” Harry mumbled. Louis cocked a brow and leaned forward onto his elbows.

“Well are you happy Harry?” Harry laughed coldly at the stupid question.

“Do I look happy? Who the fuck would be happy in this shit hole?” Harry laughed. “I’m never gonna get out of here so what's the point?”

“Like I was saying Mr. Styles developing relationships with others can-”

“I don’t want no bloody relationships!” Harry yelled. Louis jumped back at Harry's sudden outburst. The room was filled with dreaded silence. Louis sighed and ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

“We will continue another day Mr. Styles.”

 

**November 3rd 1975 1:00 am**

Harry peeked through the tiny slit in the door. He didn’t mean to spy on the two boys through the door, but he couldn’t help it. He had done it several times before and never got caught. He was wandering the halls like he did often times. He suffered from insomnia so he had a hard time sleeping at night, mostly for a fear of nightmares. Harry had found a way to successfully sneak out of his room about a few months back when he started having the nightmares. He managed to only get caught once by Liam, but he talked his way out of punishment.

“Ashton? Are you awake?” Calum whispered. He gave Ashton a small shake and the boy slowly opened his eyes. He shifted on the lumpy mattress and rolled over to his other side facing the sound. Even though Ashton was exhausted, he still smiled seeing Calum hovering over him. He sat up quickly and reached out his arms engulfing Calum in a warm hug. It made Harry feel odd but somewhat wanted, but also jealous.

Ashton reached out his hand and tugged Calum's sleeve trying to get him to come closer. Calum gave him a weary smile and inched closer. He hadn’t been able to see Ashton in a while. He normally snuck in at least twice a week, but the past month Grizzle had begun to wander the halls more at night. He usually managed to slip past Liam, but Grizzle always caught him. He would claim he just needed to use the bathroom, but Grizzle would just drag him back to his room.

“I gotta be quiet Ashton.” Calum chuckled. He sat down beside Ashton on the bed and pulled out a napkin from his pocket. Calum normally managed to steal some food for Ashton. The other patients received three meals a day and sometimes on Tuesdays and Fridays they would receive a small snack. But for some reason Ashton was only feed two meals a day. One in the morning and one at night. Calum tried his best to steal food for Ashton. He usually managed to get a hold of some extra rolls or if he was really lucky something sweet like a muffin.

“I got you a bagel.” Calum whispered. He unwrapped the bagel and Ashton smiled, taking the food. He held it up to his mouth and broke it in half. He tried to hand half to Calum.

“No Ashton. I already ate that’s for you.” Calum whispered. Ashton slowly moved his arms back, but brought the bagel to his mouth. Calum sat beside Ashton and talked with him as he munched on the bagel. Like expected Calum did most of the talking. He felt as if someone was watching them, but he shook the feeling away. Calum began to talk about the other inmates. He filled Ashton in on Niall, and Michael, and even Harry. Ashton liked to listen to Calum talk it soothed him in a weird way.

Harry moved closer to the door so he could see better. Ashton began to pull on the collar of Calum's shirt. He pushed himself up onto Calum and pushed their lips together. Harry bit his lip, trying to keep quiet. Ashton began to grind against Calum pushing himself onto him.

“Ashton.” Calum groaned biting back a moan. “We can’t right now. They will hear us.” Calum sighed. Ashton whimpered quietly. He fell back on his bottom. Calum sighed and pulled Ashton back into his lap. He began to whisper something into Ashton's ear that Harry couldn’t hear.

Harry slid down against the brick wall and quietly cracked the door open so he could hear Calum talking to Ashton. He did feel slightly jealous though. Nobody had ever developed a relationship like that with him, not even his own parents. He never seemed to be able to connect easily with others.

“Sneaking out I see?” Harry was suddenly yanked to his feet. His heart began to beat faster as he realized the man was Grizzle. The guard roughly pushed him up against the brick wall. Harry kicked his foot out and slammed the door shut, trying to warn Ashton and Calum.

Liam appeared from around the corner.

“Come on Styles…” Liam sighed under his breath. He knew Harry would be punished and he definitely was not in the mood to deal with Harry's shenanigans tonight.

“What are you doing out? How did you get out of your room?” Grizzle hissed pinning Harry's hands behind his back.

“The door was left unlocked sir. Had to go to the bathroom.” Harry said the first thing that popped into his head so he just decided to roll with it.

“Why is Ashton's door opened?” Grizzle asked still suspicious. He loosened his grip on Harry slightly.

“Heard some noises coming from inside. Thought Ashton might be hurt.” Harry lied. Grizzle frowned and released Harry completely. He marched to the straight door, swung the door open. Liam hurried into the room after Gizzle and his heart sank. and flipped on the light.

Ashton and Calum both froze like two deer caught in the headlights. Calum protectively grabbed Ashton and pulled him tight to his chest.  Ashton clung onto Calum nervously. He his face in Calum's oversized sweater and whimpered. Calum held Ashton and glared at Harry.

“Harry here told me that he heard some noises in here.” Grizzle began to make his way over to the bed where the two boys sat. He yanked Ashton off of Calum. “Get up!” He hissed. Ashton stumbled forward, but lost his footing and fell to the ground. He mostly stayed in bed most of the day and it felt weird for him to stand on his own without someone holding him up. Grizzle yanked Calum up and pushed him against the wall.

“Thought we cured your homosexual tendencies. Fucking faggot.” Grizzle hissed. Liam grabbed Ashton and he immediately started to scream at the top of his lungs. Liam tried to stop him, but he continued to scream. He tried to cover Ashton's mouth to stop him, but Ashton only bit his hand. His body began to thrash wildly as he kicked his legs trying to get to Calum. Grizzle held Calum back knowing he would run to Ashton.

“Ashton stop! You're just getting yourself into more trouble!” Calum yelled. Ashton ignored him and continued to cry out trying to break out of Liam's tight grip. Grizzle marched over and pushed Calum into Liam's arms. Liam held Calum back nervously watching Ashton from a distance. Grizzle pushed Ashton down. His head slammed against the ground and he let out a loud cry.

“Stop crying kid.” Grizzle hissed. He yanked Ashton by the leg and dragged him towards Liam. Liam handed Calum off to the other guards who began to arrive. They pulled Calum into the hall and he disappeared. Harry could hear his yelling echoing down the empty halls. He knew Calum was pissed at him and Ashton was too most likely. He didn’t know why he snitched on the boys they technically weren’t doing anything wrong. Ashton just wanted to see his friend and he should be able to. He knew he could easily join Niall at the table in the common room, but he just wanted to be alone. He liked to be alone, but it was just lonely at times.

Liam stood over Ashton. He stared down at Ashton and a strong wave of guilt overcame him. The boy was sobbing uncontrollably. His chest moved up and down rapidly. He reached at Liam trying to hug him, but Liam pushed him back down.

“Sorry Ashton I have to…” Liam sighed. Ashton whimpered as Liam pressed the needle into his arm. He watched Liam's sad eyes till everything faded to black.

 

 **November 3rd 1975** 3:00 am

“Undress him completely pleases Liam.” Grizzle ordered. Liam bit his tongue and nodded. He knew not to argue. It would only make things worse. Liam let out a long sigh and walked over to Calum who was already strapped down to the bench. Calum bit down on the gag as he felt Liam pull down his pants and boxers. He had been spanked once before, but that was long ago. It was back when he first arrived at the asylum and attempted to escape. Pretty big mistake he mad he couldn’t sit down comfortably on his bottom for almost an entire week.

Calum began to breath through his nose trying to calm himself. He knew it would only hurt more if he was hysterical. He never had much of a high tolerance for pain. He wanted Liam to give them, he knew he would be more gentle.

“You will get thirty hits.” Grizzle said, waving the paddle in front of his face. Calum's heart began to beat faster. The paddle had several holes in the wood. This made it so it was more painful. When the paddle is swung there is no air cushion when it hits the skin.

But without warning Grizzle slammed the paddle down on his bottom. He bit the gag and jerked forward cringing as the pain registered. Grizzle chuckled to himself. He brought up the paddle again giving him a second hit. He began to steady his speed in a consistent pattern.

“You are a lot more quiet than Ashton was.” Grizzle told Calum. He clenched his fist. He didn’t even want to think about Ashton is in the pain he was currently in. He turned his head towards Liam desperately begging for help with his eyes. Liam flinched with each hit. He could see Calum's pain by the way he scrunched up his face. He knew that Calum needed to be punished, but this was just cruel. He could tell that Grizzle was taking his anger out on the boy's bottom. Loud slaps were the only sound echoing through Grizzle’s office.

Liam had counted twenty five there were only five left. Grizzle then gave the boy five harsh spanks to the back of his thighs. Calum painfully screamed out through the gag. He felt like he was about to vomit. Grizzle continued to spank the boy/

“I counted thirty.” Liam finally said stepping forward. Grizzle ignored him and swung the paddle again. Calum screamed through the gag and began to shake. Liam moved in front of Grizzle protecting Calum from any more abuse.

“I counted thirty Grizzle. He learned his lesson.” Liam said. Grizzle turned to him then back to the boy. He gave him one last slap before tossing the paddle onto the table. “Fucking faggot. Going to hell for his sins. Disgusting.” Grizzle grumbled. “Take him to solitary. He can stay there till I say he can leave.” Liam nodded sadly biting his tongue. He knew from past experience not to argue with Grizzle it would just make things worse.

Liam nervously approached Calum. He reached down and unstrapped Calum's legs. He didn’t move. Liam unstrapped Calum's hands, but he still didn’t move a muscle. He untied the gag and tossed it aside. Calum suddenly gasped out for air. He began breathing quickly, but was receiving no oxygen. Liam sighed and walked over to the sink quickly filling up a glass of water for the boy. He set the glass on the table. Liam grabbed a bottle of lotion and decided it would be easier to do while he was still limp. He squirted a generous amount of cream on his hand and rubbed it into the damaged skin on his bottom. Calum began to stir and Liam tried to hurry up.

He picked up Calum and carefully stood Calum up and tugged the clean tee shirt over his head. The tee shirt was oversize and hung past his waist. Liam pulled the new pair of underwear over Calum's skinny legs and pulled up the new pair of baggy cotton pants. Calum let out a soft whine the moment the fabric began to rub against his swollen bottom.

He carried the boy out of the office and down the dimly lit hallway. Liam approached the isolation room and set Calum on the floor. He honestly didn’t think it was necessary for Calum to be placed in the room for the next twelve hours, but Dr. Malik told him it was an order.

He leaned Calum's limp body up against the padded faded white walls and exited into the hallway. Liam returned quickly holding a straightjacket in his arms and Calum's eyes practically popped out of his head.

“No!” Calum suddenly yelled. Liam jumped back, startled by the sudden outburst. Calum scrambled onto his feet and stumbled over to the back corner. “Get a-away from me!” His voice began to crack. Liam sighed and knelt down in front of Calum cornering him in.  

“Calum it isn’t my idea to punish you. You know that.” Calum shook his head stubbornly.

“Didn’t do nothin’ to help though.” Calum sniffled. Liam sighed and lifted Calum's arms, sliding them through the two holes. He closed the back of the jacket and began to thread the straps through the buckles. “I don’t need this.” Calum grumbled. Liam ignored him and forcefully crossed Calum's arms over his chest.

“Not my choice.” Liam grumbled. He secured the ends of the sleeves behind Calum's back and pulled the pelvic strap between his legs. Calum began to frantically pull at the sleeves trying to rip the jacket off. His breathing began to get heavier and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Liam felt sick. He had never seen Calum so terrified before. Other than the first few months Calum had arrived at the asylum he really couldn’t remember a time he had seen him this broken. It scared him slightly. He knew Calum was one of the stronger ones. He knew Calum wasn’t actually mentally ill, he just liked boys and there was nothing wrong with that. Liam would never admit that though, but deep down he knew it. Liam also knew that most of the sane patients turned mad. Everyone had their breaking point and this was Calum's.

“Calum I need you to take deep breaths.” Liam placed his hand on Calum's stomach trying to calm him. Calum let out a long shaky breath and nodded weakly trying to calm down. Liam looked down at his bloodshot eyes and flushed face and felt horrible. He should have said something to stop Grizzle. He went too far this time. Calum was petrified and now he was tied up for who knows how long.

“Do you want me to use the needle?” Liam asked quietly. “It will knock out a few hours from the time.” Calum bit his lip and nodded slowly. Liam sighed and pulled out a needle from his pocket. He peeled off the lid and shoved the wrappings in his pocket. “You know how it works. Count back from ten.”

Liam slowly pushed the needle into Calum's leg since his arms were tied. Calum whimpered, but began to count backwards and by the time he got to seven he only saw darkness.

 

 **November 4th 1975** 1:00 pm

Michael leaned forward and let out a sigh of relief when the steaming hot water slammed down against his sore back. He rested his head against the cold tile wall and sighed. Now two of the six showers were empty. First Ashton's now Calum's. Michael knew Calum would be back, but he just wanted to know he was alright.

He began to scrub the shampoo into his hair quickly so he didn’t waste anytime in the shower. Often times he would spend too much time just relaxing in the shower and the time would be over before he could finish washing. Michael continued to rub the bar of soap into his pale skin. Michael stood beside him half awake. He glanced over at Niall who was of course humming the chorus of Blue Suede Shoes like he usually did in the showers. Michael frowned when he saw Harry beside Niall. He knew Harry was the reason his friends were punished.

Michael clenched his fist and shifted on his feet. He quickly rinsed the rest of the shampoo from his hair trying to get his mind off Harry. He reached for his towel and flipped off the water. Michael held his breath as he walked by Harry to exit the showers.

“Fucking pervert.” Michael mumbled as he walked by Harry. The older boy turned and grabbed Michaels arm, yanking him back.

“What did you fucking call me?” Harry asked.

“You heard me. You are a fucking perverted homosexual. Probably were jerking off listening to Calum and Ashton weren't you!” Michael snarled. Harry glared at Michael and pushed him back into the cold tile wall.

“You don’t know shit about me.” Harry hissed into Michaels ear. Michael pushed Harry off him and forced him up against the cold tile wall. “What are you gonna do? Kill me?” Harry smirked at Michael with a cold glimmer in his eyes. Michael slammed Harry up against the wall. Harry banged his head, but it barely did anything.

“Gotta do more than that to kill a person.” Harry chuckled as he pushed Michael back up against the wall.

“It’s not my fault your friends are locked up. So don’t be a fucking ass hole.” Harry hissed. Michael clenched his fists at his sides and began to march after Harry.

“I don’t know what the fuck I ever did to you! Stop hurting my friends! I know what you did! You are the reason Ashton is fucked up.” Harry froze and turned around slowly. The other boys began to mumble to each other in confusion.

“And what is that I did Michael?” Harry asked. Michaels heart was beating out of his chest. He marched towards Harry again but was yanked back.

“Stop Michael!” Niall yelled yanking him away from Harry's direction. “You are just going to get in trouble. Do you really want to get punished?” He grabbed the towel and wrapped it around Michaels shivering body. He wrapped a towel around himself and led Michael out of the showers to the small locker room. He sat Michael down on the bench.

“You need to calm down Michael. Hurting Harry isn’t gonna get Calum back or Ashton.” Niall sighed. Michael shook his head stubbornly  and brought his knees to his chest.

“Ashton’s what kept Calum from going insane.” Michael mumbled. “He wasn’t even crazy when he got here none of us were. This shithole made us like this.” Niall sighed and wrapped one arm around Michael.

“It’s okay Michael-”

“No it’s not. How the fuck is this okay? He isn’t gonna get out of here, you're not gonna get out of here, i’m not gonna get out of here. Once we are inside we don’t get out. We are stuck here in this shithole. How don’t you understand this!” Michael hissed jerking away from Niall.

“I know.” Niall sighed.

 

 **November 6th 1975** 10:00 pm

Liam slowly opened the door to the isolation room. The tiny room smelled of vomit. Liam held his breath and cautiously approached the boy. He was curled into a fetal position in the back corner. His body was shivering slightly, possibly from the coldness of the room or just pure terror.

He noticed the small pile of half eaten meals beside the door. Liam sighed and let the door shut behind him and he made his way over to Calum.Liam rolled Calum onto his back and held his hand to the boy's warm forehead. Calum slowly opened his eyes and looked blankly at Liam. His face was drained of all color.

“Take i-it off.” Calum whispered. He weakly pulled at the sleeves still trying to escape the jacket. Liam nodded and began to unstrap the jacket as quickly as he could. He yanked off the jacket and tossed it across the room.

Calum rolled over onto his side, turning away from Liam. He began to frantically rock back and forth hugging his legs tightly to his chest. The boy began to make odd sounds that Liam had never heard before in his life. He could only describe them as disturbing. It sounded as if Calum was trying to vomit and cough at the same time but he also choked violently.

Liam grabbed Calum and sat him up. He leaned the boy back against his chest. Liam began to run his fingers through the boy’s sweaty hair trying to calm him. He knew he shouldn’t have left him in the room. Not for that long at least. A few hours would have been enough not days. He didn’t know what else to do besides hold the boy tightly in his arms. So that's what he did.

 

 


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter - nothing major that isn't tagged
> 
> Calum returns
> 
> Dr. Harden treats Ashton
> 
> Ashton returns

_The White Rabbit put on his spectacles._

_“Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” he asked._

_“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”_

_****_

 

**November 10th 1975 6:00 pm**

Calum slowly walked towards his usual table. Michael and Niall grinned at him and waved for him to come faster. Calum hung his head though and walked at a slow pace. His ass still hurt from the beating and he was still quite shaken up. Liam had given him a bath last nice and helped him back to his own room where he slept quite well considering he had been sleeping on the cold hard floor.

It was almost a week since the boys last saw Calum. He had a new pair of thicker cotton sweats and a different long sleeved shirt. His hair was tousled but still clean. He made eye contact with the boys and walked their way. He sat back down in his usual chair at the table and leaned forward on his elbows. His body wasn’t in much pain anymore, he just wanted Ashton. That was the only thing on his mind.

“Missed you Calum.” Michael said. Calum gave him a small nod. “What happened Calum?” Calum bit his lip nervously looking at his two friends.

“You don’t have to tell us, though if you don’t want to Cal.” Niall added. Calum sighed and shook his head.

“I snuck in and saw Ashton.” The two boys exchanged looks nervous. They knew Calum was most likely spanked by Grizzle. Niall gave him a sympathetic look and slid some puzzle pieces towards Calum.

“Want to help? Dr. Tomlinson bought us a new puzzle.” Calum glanced down at the half finished puzzle of New York City and rolled his eyes. Calum pushed the puzzle pieces back towards Niall and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest.

“Fuck Dr. Tomlinson. Fuck your damn puzzle.” Calum hissed. Harry glanced over at Calum from his place on the sofa and rolled his eyes.

“Shut up will you? Trying to read.” Harry grumbled as he motioned to his book. Since no staff was near Calum gave Harry the finger and turned back around. Harry chuckled under his breath and looked back down at his book.

 

**November 12th 1975 5:00 pm**

Ashton screamed at the top of his lungs and kicked his legs out trying desperately to get away from the doctors. He screamed so loud his throat began to burn. The volts of electricity shot through him for about five seconds then abruptly stopped. Louis turned the electricity off and marked the fifth shock on his report and looked over to his patient. His eyes were wide with fear. The boy was also beginning to foam at the mouth.

Dr. Tomlinson motioned for Dr. Harden to help the boy. Dr. Harden filled a glass with water and held it to the boys dry lips. Ashton whimpered and tipped his head back as Dr. Harden tried to help him drink the water. They had put the shocks on low power so they didn’t hurt him too much but it was still painful. For the almost the past week and a half every other day the two doctors had been administering a series of shocks, each lasting for five seconds. Their main goal was to get Ashton to talk. Louis had told him once he speaks it will stop.

“We can try a few more Dr. Tomlinson. Maybe turn the power up to level two.” Dr. Harden instructed. Louis nodded and began to note the levels. Ashton shook his hands again trying to get out of the straps. He threw his head back and jerked away from Dr. Harden when he tried to place the rubber in his mouth. Dr. Harden yanked Ashton's hair, making him hold still. Ashton screamed out again.

“Use your words Mr. Irwin. We don’t understand screaming.” Dr. Harden said unamused. Ashton gripped the armrests trying to catch his breath.

“Me no feel good. No gay. I no gay.” His speech was slurred and hard to understand, but Dr. Harden managed to make out some of it. He held his hand up and motioned for Louis to hold the electricity.

“Will you speak if we take the shocks off?” Dr. Harden asked. Ashton nodded desperately and began to shake his arms again. Dr. Harden slowly began to unhook the cords attached to the machine and unstrap Ashton from the examination chair. Ashton let out a low whimper and reached for the half drank cup of water. Dr. Harden sighed and brought the cup back to Ashton's lips letting him drink. Louis could tell how scared of the doctor Ashton was. He put down his clipboard and placed his hand on Dr. Harden's shoulder.

“I think I can take it from here.” Dr. Tomlinson said calmly. Dr. Harden gave him a curt nod and wandered out of the examination room. Ashton watched Dr. Tomlinson nervously. He picked at the hem of his sweater and jiggled his leg up and down. He honestly didn’t know if he could trust Dr. Tomlinson anymore. The doctor promised not to hurt him and he broke that promise.

“Would you like some food or a bath Mr. Irwin or would you like to go back to your room?” Dr. Tomlinson asked. Ashton just looked at him blankly and tugged at the hem of his sweater. He was trying to tell Dr. Tomlinson to take it off for him. He turned his head and looked towards the bathroom connected to the office. Since it was connected to the lab it was one of the nicest bathrooms. He also knew that if he took his bath now he would have an excuse for Liam to get him out of hydrotherapy.

Ashton weakly motioned towards the bathroom door trying to tell the doctor. Luckily Dr. Tomlinson understood and helped Ashton to his feet. He walked slowly with the boy to the bathroom. Ashton sat on top of the toilet seat and watched Louis prepare his bath.

After about ten minutes or so Louis was helping Ashton in the warm bath. He sunk down into the water and let it rise up to his chin. The mirror began to fog up from the steam. He noticed Louis sitting on the floor beside the tub.

“How are you feelin’ Ashton? Talk to me please.” Louis gave him a weak smile and leaned forward. Ashton stared down at the water and waved his hand through the tiny mountains of bubbles ignoring Dr. Tomlinson. “Ashton I need you to talk to me. If you don’t communicate, we can not progress any further in your treatments and-”

“No more shock.” Ashton mumbled interrupting Louis. The doctor smiled slightly to himself and folded his hands in his lap.

“It is part of your treatment Ashton. If you are willing to cooperate with me and talk, maybe that part can be dropped.” Ashton shook his head slowly.

“Don’t need no treatment. Nothin’ is wrong.” Louis sighed and placed one hand on Ashton's wet shoulder.

“We can fix you Ashton. You just need to cooperate. It is for your own good. It is a sin.” Ashton jerked away from Louis and pulled his legs to his chest.

“Not a sin. Nothin’ wrong with it.” He mumbled. Louis sighed and nodded. He decided it would be best to just leave it for another day when Ashton was more cooperative. Ashton began to wave his hands through the mountains of bubbles again enjoying the warmth. He could tell Ashton was confused it was a common side effect of shock therapy. By the time he had finished washing Ashton the boy was already asleep. He drained the tub and dressed Ashton in a pair of faded navy and grey striped pajama pants and a thicker long sleeved cotton shirt. He knew it was getting colder out so he gave Ashton a thicker pair of socks. He pushed the boy down the hall in a wheelchair since he was basically asleep.

Louis couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy. He knew that Ashton was going to be let out of isolation soon. He saw on Dr. Harden's notes that he planned to let him out in a week if he continued talking.

Liam was already waiting in Ashton's room. He was putting a new quilt on Ashton's bed. The quilt was noticeably brighter than the last. It was decorated with different patches of retro patterns, colorful flowers, and designs. Louis carefully moved Ashton from the wheelchair to the bed, making sure he didn’t wake him up. He places the boy on top of the new quilt and watched Liam drape a thick blanket over his body. Dr. Tomlinson motioned for Liam to follow him into the hall. Liam sighed and made his way after the young doctor.   

“He spoke again.” Dr. Tomlinson announced. Liam smiled slightly and slipped a pillow under Ashton's head.

“Was he shocked?” Liam asked. Louis sighed and nodded. He personally didn’t want to shock Ashton. He didn’t want to shock any patient at the asylum in general, but he had no other choice. He had to get Ashton to speak. Liam glared at Louis and shook his head disapprovingly.

“Don’t what you are solving by hurting him. You are only making it worse.” Liam grumbled.

“And where is your doctoral in psychology Mr. Payne?”

“Where is your sympathy for human beings?” Liam snapped back. “Can’t you see, you are hurting him?”

“It is not my intention to hurt the kid. My intentions are to help him, he is ill. Those thoughts he has in his head just are not right. It’s a sin Liam-”

“What is a sin?”

“He is a homosexual.” Louis stated.

“So what?”

“So he needs to be cured Liam. I don’t think you are understanding me.” Liam crossed his arms and scoffed at the doctor.Dr. Harden had put those thoughts in Louis's head and it made Liam sick. The doctor was going to make Louis go mad just like the others.

“Oh I understand perfectly fine Dr. Tomlinson. You are a cruel and disgusting human being, it's sad to think I actually might have had faith in you.” Liam pushed past Louis and made his way out of the dimly lit hallway slamming the door behind him. Louis sighed and leaned against the wall running his hands through his messy hair.

“It’s a sin.” He mumbled quietly to himself.

 

**November 18th 1975 3:00 pm**

Ashton rocked nervously in the chair. He glanced down at the drip Dr. Harden had hooked him up to. Some emetic substance was being pumped into him that was all he knew. He watched the doctor switch on the bulky projector. The film started to roll and he flipped off the lights.

A photo of a white male was shown on the projector. He was nude and posed with his tank pulled up showing his ABS and his pants were dropped to the ground. Ashton felt a shot go into his arm and he immediately felt a wave of nauseousness. He tipped his head forward and gagged eventually vomiting into the bucket on his lap. He groaned, looking down at the small amount of his lunch he had been forced to throw up.

Dr. Harden continued to flip through the photos showing Ashton the pornographic images. Each time Ashton was forced to vomit. He began to breath heavier and feel more light headed. He gripped the bucket and whimpered. At first he had been throwing up the grilled cheese he had eaten for lunch, but now he only vomited up stomach acid.

“Please stop.” Ashton groaned. His throat felt dry and scratchy, his head was pounding, and he was sweating bullets. Louis clicked the button again and flashed another picture. Ashton gagged and the medication was pumped into him again. He dropped the bucket to the ground and hunched forward.

“What the fuck are you doing to him!” Louis yelled storming into the room. He flipped on the lights and shut off the projector. Ashton whimpered, looking down at the vomit he had spilled on the tiled floor.

“Mr. Payne, I am the doctor here, you are interrupting our session I am going to have to ask you to please leave.” Dr. Harden said, keeping his voice calm. Louis glared at him and hurried over to Ashton. He grabbed the towel and brought it to the boy's face wiping away the vomit.

“It is past five your session is over.” Louis hissed. He unhooked the drip from Ashton's arm and tossed it to the side. Louis ran the towel under the sink with cold water and pressed it against the boy's warm forehead. Ashton groaned jerking back from Louis.

“What kind of sick treatment is this?”

“Aversion Therapy.” Louis mumbled back as he scribbled in his notes.

“What’s next? A castration? A bloody lobotomy? That’s the shit that taught you at medical school?”

“Mr. Payne I would appreciate if you didn’t question my education so much.”

“I would appreciate it if you would have some respect for humans. You are fucking hurting him! How can’t you see that! He was talking! You got him to talk! Now you are hurting him!” Louis yelled. The room was silent. Louis grabbed his white lab coat and pulled it over his dress shirt. He pushed the papers back into his briefcase and walked towards the door.

“I would be careful what you say Mr. Tomlinson. You might see yourself in one of those chairs if you keep this insanity up.” Louis slammed the door behind him. A chill ran through Louis's spine. Louis sighed and ran his hands through his short hair. He looked back down at Ashton and back at the vomit. He would clean that later. He had to take care of the boy first.

He noticed the tears streaming down Ashton's face. Lately it seemed like anytime he got the chance to see Ashton he was either injured, or ill, or upset. This time he was in pain. Louis knelt down and began to unbutton Ashton's dirty shirt. He noticed several new bruises on his chest. He decided it was best to just take note of it now and ask questions later. He tossed the shirt in the corner. Louis kept Ashton in his pants and wrapped a clean towel around his upper body. He reached to help Ashton to his feet, but the boy jerked away.

“You are alright Ashton. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Louis sighed. Ashton hid his face in his arms and shook his head. “Ashton I don’t like to see you cry.”

“Tum hurt.” Ashton whined still holding his stomach. Louis sighed and rubbed his hand up and down the boys back. He knew that Ashton was getting out soon, but he also knew that it wouldn’t be much better for him in the regular ward. He would have his friends and be able to go outside, but he wasn’t getting the right treatment he needed. Louis knew that some patients at Angelic Lakes needed to be in the asylum, but that was in the other wards. He worked inward D in building five. Only about fifty male patients occupied the space and ranged from the ages of sixteen to thirty. He knew most of them shouldn’t be there. He knew Ashton shouldn’t be locked up.

Ashton gripped his sleeve yanking down trying to get Louis's attention.

“Do you want water? What do you need Ashton?” Louis asked. Ashton said nothing and only continued to whimper quietly. He pulled Ashton lifting the boy to his feet. Louis helped him step over the spilled vomit and towards the door. The two moved slow. Ashton could barely hold himself up, but he was happy he would be getting a popsicle.

“Don’t need no therapy. Not sick.” Ashton grumbled. Louis sighed and began to walk slowly with the boy towards the wheelchair stored in the corner. He began to roll Ashton down the hallway. The boy stared out the windows at the outside. Louis took notice and decided he would take Ashton outside soon before it got too cold.

He pushed the wheelchair back to Ashton's room. Louis suddenly had an idea. He walked over to the bed and pushed it towards the other side of the room placing it right under the window. This way Ashton could look outside. He guided Ashton over to the bed.

Ashton barely even noticed the beds new position. He only reached for the basin and threw his body forward. Louis sighed and rubbed the boy's back again. He watched Ashton nervously listening to the painful gagging sounds the boy made. He vomited again, but it wasn’t much only about a few drops. Louis wiped his mouth with a spare cloth he found on the nightstand and placed the basin back on the floor.

Louis gently took Ashton and turned him showing him to look out the window. Ashton leaned forward and pressed his hand against the window. Ashton reached for the bars that guarded the window and tried to shake them.

“Go out. Want outside.” Ashton mumbled. Louis wanted to let Ashton out, but he knew if he did he would be fired. He was already on the brim of termination. Ashton eventually stopped shaking the bars and gave up. He stared out the window looking out at the fields. Louis listened to the boy ramble on about the different trees and the flowers. It was nice to hear his voice again. He wasn’t speaking too well, but it was a start. He hadn’t spoken in almost a year, so Louis was happy with what he got, even if it was just about potatoes and dandelions.

 

**November 20th 1975 2:00 pm**

“Can you read me it?” Michael asked to quietly show the book to Harry. The older boy looked up from his own book he was reading and glanced at the book Michael was holding, Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland. Harry frowned. He read that book back when he was a child every night and had grown quite tired of the repetitive poetry and stories.

Michael held the book in front of Harry's face as he pouted out his lower lip like a puppy. Earlier that morning when he woke up, he had noticed that someone had slipped a package under the door for him. It was wrapped in brown newsprint paper. He knew the little blue book was a present, but he didn’t know who it was from. There was a note inside, but he couldn't read it. He hadn’t read since he was in primary school. He use to be able to read quite well, but after he dropped out the skills quickly vanished.

“Can’t you just read it? It’s not that difficult.” Harry grumbled. He looked back down at his own book hoping Michael would just go away.

“Don’t know how.” Michael mumbled. He held the book out to Harry again rocked back nervously on his feet. “Please Harry. I really want to read it.” Harry frowned and folded the corner of the current page. He rudely slammed his book shut. Michael jumped back and clutched the book to his chest.

“Harry don’t be an ass.” Niall grumbled. “I’ll read it to ya’ Michael.” Michael smiled and scurried over to Niall. The Irish boy patted the open spot beside him and Michael sat. Niall opened the book to the first page.

_Dear Michael_

_Happy 19th Birthday. Make sure you keep this in a safe spot - Mr. Payne_

Niall began to read the story to Michael. He actually enjoyed the book a lot. He hadn’t read much in a while and found delight in the book. He enjoyed reading about the mad tea party, and the red queen. About one fourth of the way through the book the doors swung open. Niall quickly closed the book and pushed it under the seat cushion. He knew if the orderlies saw the book it would be gone forever.  

Dr. Malik entered the room, walking with another boy. Michael gasped. It was Ashton. He wore a light blue bathrobe, a grey tee, and a pair of faded flannel pajama pants. Michael ran to him and engulfed him in a hug. Ashton was silent. His eyes fogged over and his hands shook slightly. Michael bit his lips nervously trying to take in his friend's state. Ashton turned back towards the window and pressed his hand against the glass.

“Go out?” Ashton asked. He turned back to Michael and waited for the boy to answer him. Michael felt sick to his stomach. Ashton couldn’t even speak a full sentence. Before Michael could answer Ashton knocked on the window again. “Want sun. Want outside.” Ashton mumbled. Michael knew he would have to wait till tomorrow to take Ashton outside. It was almost dinner time they had already spent their time outside for the day. Only Calum was still outside working along with some other boys who didn’t finish their gardening.

“I’ll take you out tomorrow, okay?” Michael promised. Ashton sighed and nodded. He turned back and plopped back down on his bottom. He pointed to Niall and waved. Niall laughed loudly and hugged Ashton.

“Can’t talk right. Little m-mess up.” Ashton stumbled over his words. Luke bit his lip and nodded sadly. It took all the strength inside him to not murder Dr. Malik and Dr. Tomlinson for what they had done to the boy. Niall sat down next to Ashton.

“I missed you Ashton.” Niall gave Ashton's leg a gentle squeeze and the boy smiled. The boys began to talk with one another just like old times. Niall and Michael did most of the talking, seeing that Ashton was struggling to form words.

Harry watched from his usual corner. He eventually made eye contact with Ashton. The boy flinched, but gave him a small, curt nod and went back to his conversation.

 

 


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter panic attack and neglect
> 
> Louis goes mad and Dr. Harden strikes again

_"Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,’ she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.’_

_`If you knew Time as well as I do,’ said the Hatter, `you wouldn’t talk about wasting IT.'"_

  _ ****_

**November 29th 1975 5:00 pm**

Louis nervously watched Ashton's upper body jerk forward. He vomited into the basin again and groaned. Louis felt slightly nauseous just watching the boy. His legs shook and he breathed heavily coughing every so often. His throat was dry and raspy. Ashton gasped again and tried to stand up from the chair he wobbled on his feet and fell forward spilling the bucket on the floor. Ashton whimpered and tried to reach for the bucket.

Louis grabbed the bucket and handed it back to the boy. He reached to help pick him up, but Ashton let out a blood curdling scream. The metal doors flew open and Liam appeared. He glared at Louis and clenched his fist.

“What the fuck are you doing to him?!?! He is scared shitless!” Liam hissed.

“I’m treating him Liam. You can’t be in here -”

“Well you are not helping shit Louis!” Liam yelled. “You are making him worse. If they taught you this barbaric shit in college God help us! You are gonna kill him! Nothing is wrong with him this damn asylum made him like this!” Liam screamed.

“Well if you don’t like it leave. Nobody is forcing you to work here, we can easily hire someone else. Why are you staying here then?” Louis shot back.

“Because i’m not leaving them to suffer.”

Louis slowly walked over to Ashton. He had moved himself off the chair and to the floor along with his basin. He held the basin tightly against his chest and continued to breath heavily. The moment Louis knelt down next to Ashton the boy screamed bloody murder. He chucked the bucked across the room and curled into himself.

“No!” Ashton screamed. He hugged his knees to his chest and fell to his side. It felt like someone was repeatedly kicking him in the ribs and knocking the air out of his lungs. Liam rushed over to the boy pushing Louis out of the way. He scooped Ashton up in his arms and slid back against the wall holding the boy in his lap. Ashton cried out and yanked on Liam's arms. Louis watched horrified. Ashton was scared to death. Liam slowly began to rock Ashton back and forth trying to calm him down. The boys breaths began to even out and he hid his face into Liam's shoulder.

“Liam I didn’t-”

“You know what you did Louis. Get the fuck out of here before I beat you myself.” Liam hissed. He pulled Ashton tighter to his chest, protecting the boy.

Louis hurried out of the room practically running. He let the door swing shut behind him and he rushed down the long hallway to his room. He locked to door behind him and flopped down on the couch.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Louis hissed. He clutched the pillow to his chest and let out a shaky breath. He could still hear Ashton's cries through the thin walls. He let out a broken sob and the tears began to pour down his face. He smashed the pillow into his face again.

Louis threw the pillow and made his way to his bathroom. The offices were set up in a way that half served as an office and the other half a bedroom with a bathroom. He turned on the shower to the hottest temperature he could bear and climbed in. He didn’t stand, though he sunk down sliding his back against the rough tile. Dr. Harden had tricked him. He didn't understand why he hurt the boy. 

“I can’t do it anymore.” He mumbled to himself.

 

**November 29th 1975 10:30 pm**

“Ashton are you awake?” Louis asked. He gave the boy a small shake. Ashton groaned and rolled towards Louis. He rubbed his eyes, but immediately frowned seeing the doctor.

“Don’t want. Out.” Ashton mumbled. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fall back asleep. He wasn’t going to give into Dr. Tomlinson. Ashton tugged at the quilt Liam had given him a week or so ago. He tried to pull it over his face, but the doctor stopped.

“Ashton I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Lie.” Ashton hissed yanking the blanket out of Dr. Tomlinson's grip. The doctor pulled the blanket back revealing Ashton's face.

“Ashton I made a mistake please. I’m sorry. I’m gonna help you.” Louis sighed. The boy looked at him skeptically. He wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t trust the man anymore. He only trusted Liam and Calum. Dr. Tomlinson held up a bowl in front of Ashton's face. He wearily looked at the white fluff in the bowl. He had missed dinner, but he still felt uneasy about the food.

“It’s mashed potatoes from dinner.” Dr. Tomlinson explained. Ashton sighed and sat up. He took the bowl from the doctor and swirled some of the potatoes onto the metal spoon. He brought the spoon to his lips, letting the potatoes melt in his mouth. Louis watched him at the potatoes.

“I’m not going to hurt you anymore Ashton. I promise.” Louis sighed. Ashton shook his head as he swallowed a spoonful.

“You said that before. You lie.” He grumbles. Ashton scooped up another spoonful of the potatoes. He still didn’t believe the doctor one bit. He scrapped the last of the potatoes from the bowl and swallowed. Ashton dropped the spoon back in the bowl and held it out for Dr. Tomlinson to take. He set the bowl on the side table and sighed.

“What can I do to make you trust me Ashton?” Louis asked. He was silent for a moment. He couldn’t do anything to gain his trust back. But Ashton knew he could gain something out of this.

“Want Calum. Want to share a room with Calum.” Ashton said. The doctor was silent. He narrowed his eyes at Ashton then at the empty bed on the other side of the room. Some of the boys shared rooms it wasn’t unusual. Before Ashton left, he shared with Calum. They were roommates, that is how they became close.

“You can’t sleep with him. If I let you do this you need to promise me that.” Louis said. Ashton nodded.

 

**December 1st 1975 7:00 pm**

The past week had gone quite smoothly for the patients. The common room was fairly normal. Liam had convinced Dr. Harden to place a Christmas tree in the center of the common room. He plans to decorate it with bows and ornaments.

Harry claimed to have no nightmares which was unusual. When he was caught not sleeping, he claimed it was only because of Niall's loud snoring from one room over. Besides Ashton's conflicts with Dr. Tomlinson he was quite happy to be back with his friends.

Since it was the first of the month it was haircut day. They had cut off most of Harry's hair. He had told them to cut it short. The boys watched Dr. Dr. Harden snip off Harry's curls. He did a good job for a doctor. Ashton sleepily leaned his head on Niall's shoulder as they waited in line. He would have rather had Calum but his hair cut was done and now he was in the shower. Since Ashton returned the two boys were almost inseparable. The only time they leave each other is when they are forced apart by doctors for therapy or for bedtime. But Ashton decided to lean on Niall since head still felt fuzzy.

“What meds did they put you on Ashton? Why are you so drowsy?” Niall asked as they moved up in line. He ran his hand through Ashton's messy waves, trying to brush them out of his eyes. Michael turned his attention to Ashton and set down his stack of playing cards. Ashton tried to keep his eyes open fighting to stay awake. He had slept the whole night and almost the whole morning.

“Ashton can ya’ look at me?” Michael asked. He scooted closer to Ashton and watched the boy curiously. Ashton slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Michael. “You can sleep if you want. We won’t be mad at you Ashton.” He said sweetly. Ashton shook his head stubbornly.

“I don’t want to sleep. I sleep all day.” He mumbled. He pressed his head back into Niall's shoulder, hiding his face again. Niall sighed and began to run his hand over Ashton's back again.

“Mr. Irwin pleases sit.” Dr. Tomlinson called. Ashton groaned and stumbled over to the chair. Dr. Tomlinson began to snip off his split ends and toss them on the floor. Harry sat in the chair next to Ashton. He watched Ashton out of the corner of his eye. The boy could barely keep his eyes open. Dr. Tomlinson had to hold up his head as he cut the hair off. Harry wondered what kind of drugs they had put Ashton on. Harry had been in the asylum several years. He had seen other patients in the same state as Ashton. It never ended up well. If the doctors continued Ashton's treatments Harry knew for a fact he would only get worse.  He knew that Ashton ate today at lunch and dinner, he had watched him.

After all the haircuts were finished the boy's resumed to their normal activities. Ashton curled up on the sofa next to Niall, Calum had gone to bed early after his shower and Harry was reading in his corner. The moment the clock struck 9:00 two men appeared in the doorway. Grizzle was accompanied by Dr. Harden.

Harry wished it was Liam but it was a man he didn’t know the name of. He didn’t care to know his name though frankly. He sighed and tossed his book to the side of the sofa and found his place in line.

“Let's go Irwin. Get a move on.” Grizzle yelled. Niall glared at the orderly and helped Ashton to his feet. They stayed near the end of the line lingering slightly behind. The other man led the line and Grizzle stayed at the end, making sure they had no stragglers. The boys were led to the bathrooms where they brushed their teeth and washed their faces.

“Why you keep watching him curly?” Another inmate asked. Harry frowned at the annoying nickname. He picked up the pace of his brushing trying to avoid talking to the man. The patient laughed loudly and moved closer to Harry.

“Ah so you are a homosexual aren't you?” The man practically yelled. The other patients laughed along with the man. Harry threw his toothbrush back into his cup and marched towards the door. He wandered back over to Niall's side and waited for the orderlies to take them to their rooms.

“Hurry up Irwin! Wake up boy! Let's go!” Grizzle yelled. Harry and Niall turned to see Grizzle grabbing Ashton roughly forcing him to stand up straight. He shoved the toothbrush in the boys mouth and brushed violently. Ashton coughed and spit into the sink. Grizzle let go of him and gave him a push forward towards the door. Ashton stumbled trying to walk.

“Stop hurting him you asshole!” Michael finally yelled. He pushed past the other patients and grabbed Ashton.

“Mr. Clifford I suggest you calm yourself unless you want to be punished tonight.” Grizzle warned. Michael rolled his eyes and handed Ashton off to Niall. The Irish boy wrapped an arm around his waist and held him up straight.

“Fuck you.” Luke spat back at Grizzle. He pushed past Grizzle. The guard only sighed and let the boy go.

 

**December 1st 1975 8:30 pm**

Ashton bee lined to Calum the second he entered his room. Calum chuckled and ran his fingers through Ashton's newly cut hair.

“You need to go sleep in your be Cal. When the lights turn off we can snuggle okay?” Calum whispered. He gave Ashton a small kiss. Ashton sighed but nodded knowing Calum was right. For the past few nights since they were roommates again the two would snuggle at night. The doors didn’t have windows and they were locked shut by guards at night. The only time they would open was at exactly 7 am. They did however have small doorbell like buttons in the rooms incase there was actually a major problem.

The two waited patiently for the lights in the hallway to dim and for Liam to lock the doors. Their room was always last since they were at the end. Liam stood in the doorway for a second before locking the door. Calum motioned for Ashton to come and he scurried over and hopped in his friend's bed. He dragged his quilt behind him.

Calum wrapped his arms around Ashton and pulled him into his chest. Ashton nuzzled his head into the crook of Calum's neck taking in his warmth.

“Did they change your pills Ashton? You seem off.” Calum sighed. Ashton shrugged slightly and was silent. He rolled to the other side facing away from Calum. He pressed his back into Calum's chest and pressed his bottom against his pelvic area.

“Don’t be a tease Ashton.” Calum warned. He gave Ashton a slight nudge as he mumbled something. Ashton tugged at the quilt covering himself with the fabric. Calum wrapped one arm around Ashton and pressed his own body into him giving him more warmth. He listened to Ashton's breathing begin to slow down and finally he closed his own eyes.

**December 3rd 1975 9:00pm**

Louis walked down the empty hallway towards the sound of running water. Louis peaked through the one way window and saw a figure lying on the tile floor under the spray of water. Louis quickly rushed in and shut off the water as quickly as he could. He saw the boys' short wavy hair and immediately knew it was Ashton.

Louis grabbed a clean towel and wrapped it around the boys shivering body. He knew for a fact Ashton did not like him, but he had to help the boy. His skin was freezing. Louis wondered who allowed him to shower alone. The shower doors were always locked so a staff member had to let him in.

He noticed some blood dripping from Ashton's head like someone had pushed him down. Louis knelt down beside him and sat the boy up.

“What happened Ashton?” He asked. Ashton shook his head slowly and tugged at the towel. “Ashton did you fall or did someone push you? Why are you in here alone?”

"D-Dr. Harden took me to s-shower and he g-got mad at m-me.” Ashton mumbled. His eyes were glazed over. Ashton buried his head into Louis's thick sweater and groaned. Louis sighed and rocked the boy back and forth in his arms. He wished it would be the last time he had to cuddle the boy, but he knew it wouldn’t be. Shit always seemed to follow Ashton around. He knew that he brought a percentage of the shit upon Ashton but he was trying to make it better.

“Why don’t we get you dressed and patch you up?” Louis asked. Ashton nodded weakly. His head still flopped awkwardly to the side.

Louis took Ashton back to the main office where he found him some new clothing and a clean bathrobe. After cleaning Ashton's cut he wrapped some gauze around Ashton's head. The cut wasn’t major it was easily fixable. It was more frustrating to Louis that Dr. Harden was so careless with his patient. He knew that he had made mistakes in the past, but this wasn’t a medical procedure this was flat out abuse.

He picked up Ashton and placed him in a wheelchair. Louis began to push him down the hallway towards his room. He could hear Calum arguing with Liam all the way down the hall. Of course Liam and Calum were already in the room and probably wondering where Ashton was. Louis sighed and opened the door already knowing Liam would most likely yell at him thinking that he was the one who hurt Ashton. Liam turned and noticed Ashton in Zayn's arms and popped up from his place on the edge of Calum's bed.

“Where was he? What happened?” Liam asked quickly.

“I’ll explain later. He is fine though.” Louis whispered. Liam bit his tongue and nodded. He reached and took Ashton from Louis. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Liam's neck. He chuckled slightly and set Ashton down on his bed. He pulled the quilt up to Ashton's chest and sighed. Liam followed Louis out into the hallway, locked the door, and turned off the light for the boys bedroom.

Calum peeked one eye open and hopped out of his bed. He grabbed his pillow and hurried over to Ashton and stood over him. Ashton didn’t even acknowledge he was there. He sighed and climbed over Ashton and positioned himself in his usual spot against the wall.

“Ashton can you look at me? Are you alright?” Calum asked nervously. He rubbed his hand over Ashton's arm and bit the inside of his cheek. Ashton's stare was blank and somewhat haunting. He reached out and tugged at Calum's shirt trying to get him to come closer. Calum moved in and pulled Ashton closer to his chest still giving him some breathing room.

“Ashton what happened to your head?” Calum asked.

“T-took shower.” Ashton mumbled.

“It’s not your shower night Ashton. Who took you to shower?”

“Dr. H-harden.”

“Did he push you?” Calum asked. Ashton went silent, he tried to bury his face in his pillow but Calum stopped him. “Ashton did Dr. Harden hurt you?” He asked again.

“Can’t tell.” He whispered. “Then he knows if I say and I’ll get in trouble again.”

“What do you mean again?”

“Dr. Salvator.” He mumbled. Calum nodded, trying to get Ashton to continue.

“He gonna get mad like him and I get hurt. He said he can’t stop him this time.”

“Who said they can’t stop him?” Calum asked. Ashton was silent, then it finally clicked. “Ashton do you know who killed Dr. Salvator?” He asked. Ashton let out a small whimper and hid his face back into the pillow. Calum sighed and ran his hand over Ashton's back. He decided to figure it out in the morning. He knew that Ashton knew who killed the doctor and he needed to know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are enjoying this book please leave a comment or a kudo! I am a desperate lonley bitch and it makes me very happy. Also please leave any thoughts good or bad.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter - panic attack
> 
> Harry has a visitor and is part of one of Dr. Hardens experiments

_“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'_  
_'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat._  
_'I don't much care where -' said Alice._  
_'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat._  
_'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation._  
_'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.”_

_**** _

**December 10th, 1975 9:00 am**

Every two months the institution held a visitors day where the patients' families could come and see them. Most never showed up, but there were a few patients who had normal visitors. As soon as the boy's had finished breakfast they were sent to the kitchen to bake cookies.  LOOO stuck out his finger and poked the lump of sugar dough in front of him. He lazily grabbed the rolling pin and began to roll the dough into a long flat oval. He watched the other boys begin to press the cookie cutters into the dough and make shapes of Christmas trees and snowflakes.

“What are you looking for Styles nobody is gonna come visit you!” An inmate laughed. Harry turned to see George and his snickering friends.

“Yes they are. I got a letter!” Harry said, holding up a faded postcard. George stopped laughing and stomped over to Harry and snatched the card from his hands.

Dear Harry,

I would attach some cigs to this postcard, but both of us know the bloody docs would snatch those. Just wanted to send this card to say I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m coming by train to visit you near Christmas. Best wishes - Zayn

Harry held out his hand for George to give the postcard back, but he continued to look at the card.

“He from London eh?” George asked. Harry nodded nervously. He wanted the card back. He had received it back in the late summer. He kept it in his pocket each day and beside his bed each night. It was comforting to him.

George held the card up to the light looking at the faded color photograph of London on the front.

“Give him back the card George.” Niall called from his seat at the counter. George shrugged and held the card away from Harry.

“He looks at the card all the time. He ain’t gonna visit you Harry. Nobody wants to visit you!” Another inmate yelled. Harry bit his lip as he felt the tears begin to fill his eyes. “He isn’t gonna visit you Harry!”

“YES HE IS!” Harry yelled. The boys continued to laugh hysterically. Harry took a deep breath in and out trying to calm himself.

“Give it back, please George.” Harry begged, trying to keep his voice calm as he reached for the card again. He got a hold of half the card, but George held the other half. He tried to tug it, but George did the same and the card ripped. Georges, crew laughed as he tossed the ripped card on the floor. Suddenly Harry lunged forward, pushing George against the brick wall. He jerked his knee up slamming it into George's crotch.

“Fucking bastard!” George yelled. He jumped forward pushed him to the ground, slamming his head against the cement. Harry let out a loud cry. A foot collides with his stomach, then a fist with his face. Niall and Michael hurried over trying to yank George away from Harry. Georges crew was stronger though, and pushed them away. Niall ran out to find help.

“Why the fuck would anyone want to visit you? You are a fucking faggot!” George yelled. He swung and kicked Harry in the side. Harry yelped and curled into himself trying to protect his ribs. He hadn’t gotten into a fight in years and he had never lost one so badly before. George yanked his hair, jerking his head up. He spit out at them. The boy gagged and dropped his head back down. He kicked him again. Suddenly two orderlies rushed in. They pushed through the crowd. George was held back by Grizzle and Liam picked up Harry holds him under the arms.

“Nasty fag. You are a fuckin’-” A loud whistle echoed through the kitchen cutting the boy off. The boys froze and looked at the figure in the doorway. Dr. Harden stood in the door, holding a whistle in his mouth. He glared at the boys and walked slowly towards the crowd. His boots clicked against the cement floor.

“Mr. Horan please go find Dr. Tomlinson.” Dr. Harden said. LOOO nodded and scurried out of the kitchen. “Grizzle take George to solitary.” He ordered. Grizzle nodded and dragged the boy away. Dr. Harden looked to Harry. He walked over slowly and tipped the boys chin up.

“Into trouble again I see?” He said coldly. “What was it this time Mr. Styles?”

“He r-rip my p-postcard.” Harry stuttered. Dr. Harden looked to the floor and peeled the ripped pieces from the ground. He looked down at the card, then back at Harry.

“Personal possessions should be kept in rooms Mr. Styles.” He said. Dr. Harden crumpled the card in one hand and tossed it in the trash. Harry's lower lip began to wobble looking at his card in the trash. Liam gave his hand a small squeeze and led him out of the kitchen.

 

**December 10th 1975 6:00 pm**

“Excuse me?” A voice asked. Louis yawned and turned towards the man. For the past hour or so he had been watching over the common room. The few visitors had left and things were already back to normal. Harry didn’t put up a fight and he willing let Dr. Malik tend to his wounds. Harry had waited there for most of the day watching out the window in his room waiting for Zayn until he finally fell asleep.

“Do you know where Harry Styles is? I am here to visit.” The man said. Louis looked the man up and down. He wore a nutmeg colored sports coat along with a white undershirt and black tie. He carried his black overcoat and a wool hat that hid his jet black hair. The man was slim and a little taller than Louis. He looked to be a few years older too. He carried a brown paper bag in his hand.

“And who might you be?” Louis asked. The man chuckled warmly and held out his hand.

“Zayn Malik.”

“And who are you to Mr. Styles?” Louis asked. Zayn frowned at Louis.

“I have visited him before I am a bit insulted you do not remember me. I am a family friend. Who are you?”

“Dr. Tomlinson. I’m new.” Louis said bluntly. Zayn began to scan the room looking for his friend, but didn’t see him.

“Dr. Tomlinson, please let go of me, I would like to go see my friend.” Zayn kept his voice calm and toneless.

“Hello Zayn.” Liam chirped. He swung his arm around Zayn like he was an old pal. Zayn smiled brightly and hugged him back. Zayn swallowed thickly as he forced a slight smile.

Zayn was a family friend of Harry's. Zayn was only about four or five years older than Harry. When Harry was admitted to the asylum at the age of thirteen when Zayn was just finishing up highschool. He wished he could have more time off to visit Harry, but with his job at the police station he didn't have much spare time.

“Just dropped in to see Harry. I haven't been able to come around much lately.” Zayn said. Liam nodded and guided Zayn down the halls and up the steps to Harry's room. He unlocked the door and motioned to the lump curled up under the thin green blanket. Liam sighed and flipped on the light. He lifted the blanket up revealing Harry's bruising face. Zayn cringed as he noticed Harry's busted lip and bruising eye.

“He got in a fight today. It’s nothing, just don’t worry about it.” Liam whispered. Zayn looked down at Harry and sighed. He would never say it to Harry's face, but he looked like shit. “Well I’ll leave you two hollar if you need anything.” Liam called. Zayn nodded wearily and pulled up the wooden chair from the corner.

He gave Harry a slight nudge waking him up. Harry groaned and slowly rolled onto his side. He opened his eyes and squinted adjusting to the bright light. His grumpy face lightened when he saw Zayn. He immediately hugged him practically jumping off the bed. Zayn laughed. And hugged the boy back. Finally Zayn was able to pry himself away from the boy. Harry sat back on the bed Indian style.

Zayn cupped Harry's face, forcing the boy to look up at him. He sighed, taking a closer look at the bruising around his eye.

“Come on Harry. You need to behave if you want to get out of here.” Zayn sighed. Harry shrugged. “You gonna talk to me Haz?” Zayn asked.

“Yea, just missed you.” Harry's voice was deeper and graver than Zayn remembered.

“Er see you got a roommate. How is that?” Zayn asked, trying to make conversation.

“That’s Niall he's Irish. He is okay, I guess not too crazy.” Harry said. Zayn nodded, listening to Harry talk about the other patients at the asylum he talked some about the doctors but not much. Zayn didn’t dare ask about the murder. It was headline news for almost a month back in February. It was quickly forgotten about like most cases when it went cold. The case was covered somewhat on his show, but he didn’t like to read into it much.

Zayn reached into the brown paper bag and pulled out a dark blue thick flannel blanket. Harry smiled taking the blanket. He quickly wrapped it around his frail body and snuggled into it’s warm. Zayn chuckled, seeing how happy the blanket, made Harry.

“Thank you.” Harry chirped. Zayn smiled and reached into the bag again. He pulled out a small blue night Donald Duck night light. He showed the light to Harry then moved the nightstand over to plug it in.

“Saw it at the store. Thought it may help you sleep better.” Zayn said. Harry watched the plastic Donald Duck head fill with light. He showed Harry the switch that turns the nightlight on and off. Harry quietly thanked him for the light, then pulled his blanket back around himself. Zayn noticed an odd spot on Harry's arm like an old bruise along with a scar.

“Harry lift up your left arm.” Zayn said. Harry gave him an odd look as he lifted his arm. Zayn took his arm and pointed at the scar.

“What is this?” He asked. Harry shrugged as if it was nothing. He took Harry's other arm and pushed up the sleeve. There were multiple bruises on that arm too. Zayn held the boy's wrists tightly, trying to control his anger.

“It’s nothing. Just some doctors and orderlies are ruth…” Harry sighed. He pulled his arms back and hugged himself.

“Harry they can’t be hurting you like that… it’s abuse…”

“It’s okay. They do it all the time and-”

“That doesn't make it right Harry!” The younger boy flinched at his sudden tone change. Zayn sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Sorry didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s okay.” Harry tugged the blanket closer to himself. He leaned against the wall tilting his head slightly.

“I’m gonna get ya out of here Harry.” Zayn sighed.

“You always say that.”

“I mean it, Harry. I’m gonna get you out.” Zayn promised. Harry nodded. He had some faith but not much, nothing really seemed to work out for him much. He watched Harry tug sheepishly at his new flannel blanket and slowly open and shut his eyes. “Harry you should go back to sleep. You look tired.” Zayn sighed.

“No. Want to spend time with you.”

“Harry I need to go it’s late. I need to catch the train.” Zayn watched as Harry sadly nodded.

Harry nodded and lay down on his bed. Zayn watched Harry slowly bat his eyes. He talked to the boy until he finally drifted off to sleep. Zayn sighed and began to gather his things. He didn’t feel right leaving Harry alone, but he didn’t have another choice. He gave the boy a small kiss on the cheek before he finally exited the room.

**December 10th, 1975 6:00 pm**

It was somewhat adorable to the doctors how Harry carried around the flannel blanket Zayn had given him. He seemed slightly happier, but he was still grumpy most of the time. Ashton on the other hand was getting back to his usual self. He hadn’t cried or had a panic attack in almost a week, which was a record for him. He tended to stay close to Calum's side along with Michael.

Grizzle had taken the boys outside to shovel after they finished dinner. The boys were shoveling outside for about an hour until the temperatures got below freezing. They were quickly ushered inside into the common room to warm up and handed off to Dr. Tomlinson. The boys quickly began to get quite rowdy so Dr. Tomlinson decided he needed to find an activity for them to do. He had tried to get the boys to participate in a group craft, but the boys only continued to bicker. He finally resorted to setting up a projector and showing The Aristocats.

Louis scanned the common room looking for Harry. He was supposed to be watching The Aristocats with the other patients, but he was nowhere to be found. He sighed and left Liam alone with the other boys as he began to search for Harry.

He began to search every corner of the common room. He noticed the corner of Harry's red flannel blanket sticking out from behind one of the sofas. Louis peeked behind the sofa and let out a small sigh of relief. Harry was curled up under his blanket with his body pressed against one of the metal wall heaters. He couldn’t help but smile. The boy looked like a little kitten.

Louis quickly returned to the boy in a wheelchair. He wanted to let Harry stay seeing how comfortable he was but he knew Grizzle and Dr. Harden would throw a fit. Liam watched Louis lift Harry into the wheelchair trying not to wake him. He slowly walked over to the two boys.

“Dr. Tomlinson.” Liam said softly, trying not to wake Harry. Louis jumped, but quickly turned around as if nothing happened. “Are you taking Harry?” He asked.

“I figured I would take him to his room and let him sleep. He looks quite tired.” Louis explained. Liam looked down at Harry.

“He didn’t sleep last night. Niall told me.” Liam sighed. He brushed the messy hair from Harry's face. “He had a nightmare again, I think. Niall refused to tell me what happened.” Louis nodded silently still watching Harry closely. He watched the way his chest slowly rose up and down as he breathed quietly. Liam sighed and looked back to Louis.

“Just take him to his room. He already ate dinner. He can just go to bed early.” Liam said. Louis nodded and gripped the handles of the wheelchair.

He pushed Harry down the hall and towards the elevator. Louis pressed the button and waited for the doors to open.

The elevator was taking unusually long which likely meant it was on another floor. He prayed the elevator would be empty when it arrived, but just his luck when the doors flung open he was met by Dr. Harden.

“Guess we are both going to the floor four it seems.” Dr. Harden said. Louis faked a smile as he cursed under his breath. He carefully pushed Harry into the elevator and turned him to face the doors. Dr. Harden peaked around Louis and frowned at the boy.

“It’s a bit early for bed don’t you think Mr. Tomlinson?”

“Actually I prefer Dr. Tomlinson.” Louis replied quickly. He didn’t know why he was just feeling extra feisty. He watched nervously as Dr. Harden moved in front of him and stood over Harry. He slowly reached forward and tipped up Harry's chin. The boy made a strange sound and weakly moved his head back to his sleeping position. The doctor let out a quiet cold chuckle.

“I was just taking him to his room to rest. He seems quite tired.” Louis said. He looked down at Harry. His lips were parted slightly and he looked like he was still sleeping peacefully. Finally the elevator dinged and Louis pushed Harry out as fast as he could. Dr. Harden walked out behind him.

“Well you take care Mr. Tomlinson.” Dr. Harden called. Louis frowned, but decided to ignore the doctor. He pushed Harry down the empty hall towards his room.

“Where you takin’ me?” Harry's voice was lower and gravelier than usual. Louis looked down to see the boy staring at him fearfully. He gave him a reassuring smile as they approached his room.  

“Just taking you to your room, I found you -”

“It’s not bed time. I didn’t do nothin’ wrong. What are you doing to me?” Harry began to panic he stumbled out of the wheelchair only to fall into his own room. He curled into himself hugging the blanket to his chest. Louis sighed and flipped on the light as he shut the door. He knelt down, picked up Harry, and set the boy on the bed. Harry still hid his face.

“I’m not gonna hurt you Harry. You were sleeping behind the sofa in the common room. Thought I should put you in a proper bed.” Louis explained. Harry released his tight grip on the blanket and looked up at Louis with sleepy eyes.

“Night Light?” Harry asked. It took Louis a moment, but finally he understood and plugged in the tiny Donald Duck night light. He reached for the wooden chair and pulled it up beside Harry's bed. The boy tightened his grip on the blanket again.

“Thought you took me here to sleep.” Harry's voice still was coated with fear.

“Harry, I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to talk with you then you can sleep, I promise.” Louis sighed. Harry nodded weakly. “I heard you didn’t sleep last night.” Harry nodded again. “Why didn’t you sleep, Harry?”

Harry dropped his eyes down, staring at Louis’s knees. Louis sighed and scooted forward. He reached out and placed one hand on top of Harry's. The boy flinched jerking his hand back.

“I’m not gonna hurt you Harry. I promise you. I just want to talk to you. If you don’t tell me what is wrong they will just run more tests Harry. I’m trying to make this easier on you.” Louis sighed. He felt a tug on his hand and looked back down. Harry was trying to hold his hand. He looked up at Louis with his watery green eyes. He rubbed his thumb over Harry's knuckles watching the boy slowly drift back asleep. He carefully slipped his hand away. Louis grabbed the blanket and pulled it over his body.

He knelt down beside Harry, placing his hand over the boy's chest. He began to mindlessly comb his fingers through the boys messy hair. He slowly lowered his head and put his lips on Harry's forehead giving him a kiss. He raised his head again and smiled to himself. He could see Harry nuzzling into his pillow.

Louis finally stood up and walked towards the door. He looked back at Harry one last time before finally shutting off the main light. He closed the door quietly. Louis turned and jumped back. Liam was standing in front of him beyond pissed.

“Fucking scared me mate.” Louis held his hand over his heart feeling his rapid beat. Liam kept a straight face, refusing to laugh at how dramatic Louis was.

“You can’t fall in love with him.” Liam said. “You can’t do that. You can’t do that to him or yourself.”

“And why can’t I?”

“You will be institutionalised if they find out Louis. I may not act like it, but I care about you. I don’t want you to waste away in here.” Liam sighed. Louis bit his lip nervously looking down at the floor.

“I want to get him out of here. I will get them all out of here.” Louis said quietly.

“And how will you do that Louis? What will you do? Keep em all in your house?” Liam asked sarcastically. Louis shook his head.

“I’ll go to the news stations. I can’t let em live like this. They are sick and not getting help. They are being neglected and abused. They shut down the other asylums. Didn’t you hear about Kirkland Islands mental hospital and the Johnson psychiatric hospital?”

“Louis…” Liam sighed. “The hospital can’t be shut down legally until all the patients who were here at the time of Dr. Salvatore's murder die or until someone admits they killed him.”

“We can just solve it then! Calum said Ashton knows who did it!” Louis exclaimed.

“Louis… Harry was the one who killed him.” Liam said. Louis froze. Harry killed the doctor. It was all connecting now. This is why he was so scared of the doctors, acted so strange around Ashton, why he had nightmares. He killed someone. He was a murderer and Louis was in love with a killer.

 

**December 13th 1975 12:00 am**

Louis watched Harry nervously through the one way window. Dr. Harden sat beside him tapping his fingers impatiently. Harry had been asleep for about 45 minutes. He was beginning to toss and turn slightly. Dr. Harden began to scribble down notes but Louis kept his eyes fixed on Harry. About five minutes later Harry began to roll back and forth. He kicked the covers off himself and curled into a ball. Suddenly he gasped shot up. He held his chest breathing heavily and backed up against the headboard. He began to frantically look around the room. Louis didn’t know what the boy was possibly looking at the room was empty.

“NO!” Harry screamed. He threw his head back slamming it against the wall. The other two doctors continued to take frantically scribble down notes. Louis watched the boy grab his lumpy pillow and hug it tightly to his chest. He eventually rolled to his side still hugging the pillow tightly.

“Should I go help him?” Louis asked nervously.

“It will interfere with our test data.” Dr. Harden said. He stood up and handed Louis a sleep mask. “Go wake him up and put this on him. Then give him a shot and dim the lights in the room. Then lock the door again.” He instructed. Louis stared at the sleep mask and then glanced back at Harry. He still hugged the pillow to his chest.

“Dr. Harden I think that will only -”

“Dr. Tomlinson I am the head doctor at this institution and what i say goes. Now unless you want to lose you position here at this institution go follow my instructions.” Dr. Harden shoved the mask into his hands and marched back to his seat. Louis sighed and walked slowly towards the door.

Harry's head popped up the second he entered the room. The heavy door slammed shut behind him. Harry let go of the pillow and tried to crawl towards Louis on the bed.

“Let me out.” Harry’s voice was raspy and low. Louis said nothing and only took the boy's arm. He pressed the needle into his arm and Harry whimpered.

“No…” He cried. Louis sighed and laid the boy back on the bed. Harry stared at Louis blankly as the medication began to sink into his veins. His heart rate began to slow down dramatically and his whimper was weaker. Louis watched Harry finally let his eyes close. He slipped the blindfold over his eyes and gave the boys hand a small squeeze.

“Sorry Harry.” He whispered.

**December 13th 1975 3:00 am**

When Harry opened his eyes it was still dark. He tried to move his head, but all he saw was darkness. He screamed out trying to get someone to come help him but nobody came. He screamed out again, but still nobody. Harry slammed his head back onto the pillow and cried out. His lungs hurt. It felt like something was pushing down on his chest.

 Louis curiously watched through the window. Dr. Harden had left about an hour before. He said he would return in the morning. But Louis couldn’t stand to watch Harry suffer for another minute let alone four more hours. For the past hour they had watched him toss and turn in his sleep most likely suffering from a nightmare. Now he woke up, but he was much worse than before. The darkness scared him. He was thrashing violently on the bed, still thinking he was in a dream.

Suddenly Harry's screams echoed through the room. It sounded as if he was being tortured to death. Without a word both Louis and Zayn rushed into the room. Harry had fallen off the bed and was now curled into a ball on the floor. He made noises that sounded like a dying animal.

Louis flipped on the lights and rushed to Harry's side. He grabbed the boy and brought him back onto the bed, holding him in his lap. Harry clung to him still wailing. He got a hold of the boy's head and pulled off the mask. Harry slowly blinked his eyes and his wailing turned to quiet whimpers. He was covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“Gonna get.” Harry mumbled. He pressed his face back into Louis’s lab coat and whimpered.

“Gonna get what?” Louis asked.

“No he g-gonna get m-me.” Harry held his head in his hands and shook his head. Louis placed a hand on his back, rubbing up and down.

“Harry nobody is gonna hurt you. It’s just a dream.” Louis said gently. Harry shook his head again. He held him on his own trying to get him to calm down. He knew Harry didn’t trust him much, he understood why. Louis knew that too. The only person working in the institution the boys could completely trust at the moment is Liam.

“Said he mad and I did it.” Harry pressed his face into Louis's shoulder mumbling his words.

He continued to hold Harry in his arms. Louis tried whispering sweet things into Harry's ear, and running his hand over his back but nothing seemed to help. Harry only continued to whimper.

“Shhh. It’s okay to love. You're alright.” Louis whispered. He patted Harry's knee lightly and rubbed his hand against the boys in red flannel pajama pants. Harry parted his lips slightly and leaned his head against Louis’s chest. He let out a small whimper. He still felt uneasy, but Louis holds him made him feel a bit better. He couldn’t remember what his dream was about though he wished he could so he could get help.

“Harry, you are alright, I promise.” Louis sighed. The younger boy shook his head and whimpered again. He pressed his face into the lab coat and dug his nails into Louis’s shoulders. Louis sighed and leaned back resting against the headboard. Harry continued to whimper and whisper muffled things into Louis’s chest.

Louis looked down at the breathless boy resting against his chest. He still hiccuped every minute or so trying to hold back more tears. Louis unconsciously reached down and stroked Harry's chin. The boy let out a long shaky breath, wrapped his fingers around Dr. Tomlinson's other wrist. He pulled his arm towards himself laying it over his chest.

“Want y-you t-to stay.” Harry whispered. Louis noticed how timid his voice sounded. He looked so small and innocent curled up in Louis’s lap. It was heartbreaking, but almost adorable at the same time. But deep down Louis only knew Harry was acting this way because be was having an attack. He knew that the boy would never willingly let his guard down like this.

“Harry what are your dreams about?” Louis asked. Harry shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t always remember.”

“Can you remember anything?”

“There is a man, and shadows and lots of red…” His voice drifted off as he spoke. Louis continued to run his hands over the boy. Harry looked up at Louis with blank eyes. His green eyes had tints of red from his crying along with his red rimmed puffy eyes and flushed face. His lips parted slightly. He looked so beautiful in a broken way.

Louis dropped his head down and pressed his lips against Harry's. The boy groaned quietly and puckered his lips kissing Louis back. Louis knew it was wrong, but it felt right. He didn’t know why he did it either. He slowly raised his head and opened his eyes. Harry stared back at him nervously.

“You can't do that.” Harry whispered slowly as his cheeks turned a light shade of red. Louis held his breath and reached for Harry's hand. He wove his fingers between Harry's colder fingers and squeezed his hand. The room became silent and slowly, Harry began to drift off into a peaceful dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are enjoying this book please leave a comment or a kudo! I am a desperate lonley bitch and it makes me very happy. Also please leave any thoughts good or bad.


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter - There is a punishment in this chapter is is violent and phyically abusive  
> Also there is a brief smutt scene
> 
> Also there is a small self harm scene and some vomit but it's not too graphic
> 
> Harry is punished and Dr. Tomlinson visits with Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of May 17th, 2017 I have changed Zayn several times in this story. I am not good at planning so sorry for the confusion. So Zayn is now Harry's childhood/family friend and is not a doctor at the asylum. He isn’t working at a radio station either. He is now a police officer. Sorry for the confusion!

_“I wish I hadn't cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out._

_I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears !”_

**_ **** _ **

 

**December 14th, 1975 7:00 pm**

Harry screamed into the gag. He misbehaved and he knew that but he didn’t deserve this punishment. He had only broken one rule. Liam would have just let him be, Grizzle would have given him five swats and let him go, but Dr. Haden was a different story.

He felt Dr. Harden grab his ass and he began to squirm. The doctor spread his cheeks apart and slammed down the paddle. Harry screamed, throwing his head back. He wished he wasn’t strapped down to the table. He began to shake slightly from fear. The doctor was cruel. He had put a leather cock ring on Harry. He had told the man he didn’t have a pain kink, but Dr. Harden argued that his homosexual tendencies shouldn’t be rewarded during a punishment.

Harry tried to endure the punishment, hoping it would end soon, but each time he thought it was over there was another slap. Finally he began to see small sparkles that blurred his vision, then he only saw darkness.

After about a minute or two more Dr. Harden set the paddle back on the hook and slammed the door to the punishment room shut. Louis watched the doctor exit and after waiting about a minute or two he hurried into the room. He had heard the boy's muffled sobs for the past hour and they were killing him.

He stared at the naked boy tied to the spank bench. His heart rate sped up immediately. He would never admit it, but Harry looked quite hot over the bench if he ignored how much pain the boy must have been in. Tears streamed down his flushed face. Louis locked the door behind him and slowly approached the boy and untied him. He lowered the boy onto the ground and began to try to take off the cock ring.

He hadn’t talked to the boy since their deal. He still felt guilty for it though. He had tried to avoid Harry at all cost because of the guilt.

Harry slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Louis. The man was touching his cock. He groaned, feeling the man pull off the cock ring. His body fell forward, crashing into Louis. He tried to hold the boy still and take off the gag, but Harry began to jerk and whimper. His nails dug into Louis’s shoulders as he began to cry.

Louis began to wonder if the boy had ever actually been this hard before. He acted like he didn’t know what to do. He reached and ungagged Harry. The boy gasped throwing his head backwards. Louis felt guilty. He could have stopped the punishment. He had been listening to the cries for the past hour, but he never knew it was Harry.

“H-hurt.” Harry cried out. He moved his hands over his cock trying to hide his hard on.

“What do you want me to do Haz?” Louis asked. He didn’t even notice the nickname until Harry gave him an odd look. He looked at Louis desperately as he slowly moved his hands away revealing his throbbing cock.

“Do you want me to do that Harry?” Louis asked.

“Please. It hurts.” Harry whimpered. Louis sighed and pushed Harry back leaning him against the wall. He got up and made sure the door was locked before sitting in front of Harry. He brought hand to Harry's cock and squeezed the tip. He listened to the boy's weak whimpers and moans as he began to pump. He was practically fucking his mouth. Louis didn’t mind much though, he wanted to make the boy feel better however he could.

Finally Harry released. Louis closed his eyes and swallowed thickly before looking back at the boy. He had rolled to the side and curled his legs in. He was still shaking and crying uncontrollably.

“Harry please. You will make yourself sick. You need to take deep breaths.” Louis sighed. Harry stubbornly shook his head, continuing to sob. “You are gonna bruise bad. I’m gonna put cream on you, alrighty?” Harry held back a whimper and nodded silently. “I’m gonna take you to my room alright? I’ll get you cleaned up. Can you walk?” Louis asked. The boy nodded again and slowly rose to his feet.

Louis grabbed Harry's boxers off the floor along with his tee shirt. He quickly dressed the boy and began to walk with him towards the elevator. Louis knew the boy was in pain by the way he walked. It was slow and he sorta waddled. The walk took much longer than it should have luckily nobody stopped them in the halls.

He ushered Harry into his room and locked the door.

“Go lay down.” Louis said as he slipped off his shoes. Harry gave him a fearful look. “No… Haz-Harry. Not like that, i’m helping you. I was gonna put cream on you…” Louis’s voice sounded hurt. He was disgusted Harry even thought that he would take advantage of him. Harry nodded nervously and scurried over to the bed. Louis pulled down his boxers and set them aside, leaving the boy in only his tee shirt. He would be getting in the bath soon anyways.

After Louis finished rubbing the cream in he let the boy lay on the bed while he began to fill up the tub. He filled the tub three fourths of the way and added a few squirts of bubbles. He shut off the water and began to walk towards the doorway to his bedroom.

Louis stared at Harry for a moment. He knew the boy was in so much pain, but he looked incredibly hot laying on the bed in only a shirt. Louis quickly shook himself out of it though, and picked up Harry. He held him in his arms in a position that didn’t hurt his bottom.

He carried him into the bathroom and stood Harry up. He began to undress the boy. He tried not to look at his body too much and kept his eyes locked on the boy's eyes. Harry held onto his shoulders for support. He couldn’t manage to stand on his own shaking legs.

“Who punished you Harry?” Louis asked, pulling the boy's shirt over his head.

“Dr. Harden.” He mumbled. Louis nodded and stepped back from the boy.

“Why did he punish you?”

“Said he was a cunt.” Louis cracked a small smile at that.

“Can’t disagree with that one.” Louis smiled at Harry but he only hung his head.

“Bottom hurt.” Harry mumbled. Louis sighed and picked the boy up again and began to lower him into the warm tub. Harry cried out the moment the water met his welted skin. Louis tried to place him in the tub, but the boy let out a disturbing cry. He quickly yanked Harry from the water and hugged him tightly.

“It will hurt at first, but you need a bath Harry.” Louis sighed. The boy hugged his arms around Louis’s neck.

“Take it with me.” Harry mumbled. Louis was silent. He was hoping he misunderstood Harry. “Take it with me please.” Harry said again. Now he was sure he heard it right.

“Harry I can’t do that…”

Harry held back a sniffle and looked up at Louis with his watery eyes.

“Please?” Harry asked again. Louis sighed. He had already given Harry a handjob and kissed him so maybe it was alright. He set Harry down and stripped down slowly. Harry watched him curiously. He left his boxers on so he wasn’t completely naked.

Louis held Harry to his chest and slowly sank into the tub. Harry grimaced slightly, but nuzzled his head into the crook of Louis’s neck. He listened to Harry's short breaths. He didn’t understand why Harry was acting too clingy. Last time he checked the boy hated his guts. He decided to just take it. It was better for the boy to like him he figured.

He positioned Harry so half his body was emerged from the warm water. Louis dipped his hand in the water and began to run his fingers through Harry's shaggy hair.

“Louis?” Harry asked nervously. The boy looked up at him. He was so broken. His eyes were still filled with tears. It was the first time he had actually called him Louis. He smiled slightly and hummed. “Uh I just was gonna say thank you.” Harry said quietly. Louis chuckled and ruffled the boys hair. He wanted to keep the boy with him, but he knew he couldn’t. He lifted the boy from the tub and wrapped him in a fuzzy towel.

“Louis? Are you in there?” Liam called. Louis cursed under his breath and held the boy tighter.

“Er just a second!” Louis called. He looked down at Harry. “I’m gonna leave you here a minute. I’ll be right back.” He whispered. The boy nodded and watched Louis quickly dress himself and unlock the door. He slipped past Liam so he didn’t peek into the bathroom.

“You alright?” Liam asked. Louis nodded quickly. Liam scanned the room and noticed the boxers on the ground.

“Why are Harry's boxers here?” Liam asked.

“I can explain…” Louis sighed. Liam only laughed and wrapped an arm around the doctor. He knew Harry was there. He could tell the moment he walked in.

“I won’t tell anyone just don’t do anything stupid.” Liam warned. “Uh is he in the bathroom?” Liam asked. Louis nodded and walked towards the door.

“Dr. Harden punished him badly. I was trying to help him.” He explained. He decided not to include all the details like the cock ring or the bath they shared. That was their secret. He turned the handle and Harry jumped tugging the towel tighter.

“I’m not gonna hurt you Harry. Just want to check if you are alright.” Liam said. He slowly walked over the boy and rolled him onto his belly. Harry let out a whimper as the towel was unwrapped. “Did you give him cream?” He asked. Louis nodded. “Where are his clothes? It’s time for him to go to his room. The orderlies will start looking for him.”

Louis sighed and picked the tee shirt off the floor and went to retrieve Harry's boxers. Liam helped Harry stand and began to carefully dress him. The Irish boy watched him sleepily letting his eyes slip shut every few seconds. It was adorable. Liam loved all the boys equally, but he had to admit Harry was one of the cutest. Liam wasn’t gay in the least. He liked a woman, but Harry was like a lost puppy to him and he had to be protected at all costs.

 

**December 15th, 1975 2:00 pm**

The boy screamed at the top of his lungs trying to break out of Grizzles tight grip. The orderly had grabbed his arm trying to restrain him to keep him from yelling. The other boys ran up to the door trying to see what the commotion was. Harry stood on his tiptoes trying to get a glimpse. He looked over into the window of the door to the bathroom, then his heart sank the moment he saw Grizzle pin Michael up against the cold brick wall. His cheeks scraped against the rough bricks. Michael only continued to cry out. His left leg was covered in blood. There was a large rip in his pants and the blue fabric was beginning to turn red.

“Stop!” Grizzle hissed. He got a hold of Michael’s upper arm trying to keep away from his cuts. Suddenly Michael screamed bloody murder. Grizzle immediately let go. He could tell he had seriously hurt the boy. Michael fell back, slamming on the tile and hugged his arm tight to his chest.   

Grizzle cursed under his breath and knelt down beside Michael. Harry thought it was odd. Grizzle had an ounce of compassion in him that was something he had never seen before. Liam was quick to push through the crowd that was beginning to form in the hallway. The other patients pressed their faces up against the windows looking into washroom trying to see what was happening.

“His leg is cut deep.” Liam sighed as he knelt down beside Michael. He reached for a towel and took Michael's arm from Grizzle. Liam quickly wrapped the white towel around his arm and held it tight applying pressure to stop the bleeding.

“Found him in here cutting his leg open. He used a sharpened piece of plastic. I don’t know how he got in here.” Grizzle explained. Liam sighed and nodded. He looked back down at the boy. Liam noticed the bloody sharpened piece of plastic still Michael's fist. He pried the object from his hand and tossed it to the side out of his sight. Michael whimpered as his arm began to shake from the blood loss.

“He will need stitches. Can you go find Dr. Tomlinson?” He asked. Grizzle was silent, he only continued to stare at the boy sadly. He stared at the blood leaking through the towel. “Grizzle, I will take him to the exam room go find Dr. Tomlinson.” Liam repeated. The larger man jumped to his feet and nodded before scurrying off.

“Why are you hurting yourself Michael?” Liam asked sadly as he looked back down at Michael. He always did have a soft spot for the boy. Michael only stared back down at his bloody towel in silence. He wanted to vomit at the sight of his own blood. He felt himself being lifted into the air.

Liam walked with Michael as fast as he could to Louis's office. He finally saw the door and let out a sigh of relief. Dr. Tomlinson was sitting at his desk filling out papers. Grizzle was nowhere in sight. Liam only sighed and decided to figure that out later. Louis had left the office to go get the proper supplies from the basement.

“He needs stitches.” Liam ordered as he set the boy down on the exam table. Louis nodded quickly and began to gather his supplies. Liam began to pull off the boy's ruined sweatpants leaving him in only his shirt and underwear. He placed a clean towel under his leg and began to unwrap the dirty one. His leg had mostly stopped bleeding but it still bled slightly. It mainly just stung from the open exposure.

“We can’t put him under. It could hurt him more if we do. Our medication is too strong.” Louis sighed. He motioned to the stool for Liam to sit. Liam pulled up the stool and sat beside Michael knowing this was going to be painful for the boy. He watched nervously as Louis began to clean the wound. He was able to put some numbing medications on the wound, but Michael would still feel it slightly.

Louis began to remove the damaged tissue around the wound. Michael's face twisted in pain as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“I know it hurts but you need to keep still.” Dr. Tomlinson sighed. Michael whimpered and turned his head towards Liam looking up at him desperately. His body continued to shake until he finally saw black and his eyes slipped shut. Liam gave Louis an odd look, noticing that the doctor had slipped a needle into Michael's good leg.

“I decided this would be easier.” Louis sighed. Liam nodded sadly still rubbing his thumb over Michael's bruised knuckles. “He will probably have to stay in the other ward for a bit to get treatment. He isn’t stable.” Liam nodded sadly. He watched Louis continue to stitch up the boy's leg.

 

**December 19th, 1975 1:30 pm**

After hearing about the incident, Louis wanted to visit Michael first thing the morning after but the boy was too out of it. He had to wait several days till he could actually visit Michael.

He walked down the same hall, he did when he visited Ashton. With his briefcase at his side, it felt oddly similar in an unsettling way. After hearing about the incident, Louis wanted to visit Michael first thing the morning after but the boy was too out of it. He had to wait two whole days till he could actually visit Michael.

Liam sent him down with Michael's book. He cracked open the door and saw Dr. Harden hovering over Michael. He had the boy sitting upright on the bed with his socked feet hanging off the side. He wore a white hospital gown and a pair of short black boxers so he didn’t irritate his cut. Dr. Harden had a cup up to the boy's mouth forcing him to drink. Louis cursed to himself and stepped into the room, slamming the door behind him making his presence known.

Dr. Harden jumped and set down the cup of water as if he was doing something wrong. Louis cleared his throat dramatically getting the doctor to face him.

“Dr. Harden, I have an appointment with Mr. Clifford.” Louis said. He lied, he didn’t have an appointment with Michael he just didn’t want Dr. Harden fucking him up. The doctor gave him an odd look, but finally gave in. He began to gather the materials he had set up on Michael's nightstand.

“What did you give him?” Louis asked curiously as he stepped forward. Dr. Harden rolled his eyes and tossed the last bottle of pills into his briefcase.

“My treatments are not your concern Mr. Tomlinson.” He grumbled before rudely pushing past Louis. Michael stared blankly at Louis. He tilted his head slightly watching Louis pull over a chair. He set the book on the night stand. Michael was zoned out. His skin was paler than normal and his cheeks looked flushed.

“Are you feeling alright Michael?” Louis asked. Michael slowly lifted his head and parted his chapped lips slightly. He swallowed thickly. He felt like shit. He was freezing, his head was pounding, his hands felt ice cold. He just wanted to curl up, have a nice warm bath, then go to sleep. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday at lunch. His stomach hurt like hell. He had managed to eat a few bites but then he threw the rest away when nobody was looking. “Michael?” Louis asked again.

He tipped up Michael's chin and placed one hand on his forehead checking for a temperature. There was nothing out of the ordinary.

“Are you eating your meals Michael?” Louis asked. Michael gave him a blank stare, but he managed to nod. He hoped that Louis believed him. Dr. Tomlinson gently lifted up the boy's gown trying to feel if there were any odd lumps or bruising around his stomach. Michael already knew the drill. He laid back on the bed letting Louis investigate. He pressed down on Michael's abdomen and the boy's face scrunched up as he let out a pained cry.  It was slightly unsettling to Louis how normal this seemed to Michael. There wasn’t any which was good, but he could feel the outline of Michael's ribs which worried him.

“Michael are you eating?” Dr. Tomlinson asked again looking dead into Michael's eyes.

“D-Dr. Harden gave me m-meds. Make me queasy.” Michael mumbled as he sat up. He looked down at his stitches and began to trace over the line. Louis quickly took his hand away.

“Don’t do that Michael. You will mess up the stitching.” Louis sighed. Michael looked back at him as if he had just grown a second head.

“I’m hungry.” Michael grumbled.

“When is the last time you ate?” Louis asked.

“I’m hungry.” Michael repeated completely ignoring Louis. The doctor sighed and made his way out into the hall to the kitchen phone. The food arrived very quickly. Louis opened the dumbwaiter and took out the tray. He kicked out the legs of the plastic tray and set it on the nightstand. Louis moved Michael's legs so they were straight, then he set the tray over them.

Michael looked down at the food, anxiously. They had given him a juice box, two slices of bread, and a bowl of chicken noodle soup. He picked up the spoon and nervously brought it to his mouth sipping up the soup. Louis felt bad for the boy. He could tell his stomach hurt just looking at him. But he knew Michael was probably starving.

After about fifteen minutes he had finished one slice of bread, almost half the soup, and drank most of his juice. He pushed the tray away trying to get Louis to take it.

“Do you want to finish your soup?” Louis asked. Michael held his arms over his chest and shook his head stubbornly. Louis sighed and set the tray back in the dumbwaiter before pressing the send button. He returned to the boy's side. Michael was now pulling at his gown trying to take it off.

“It hot. Too itchy.” Michael whinnied. Louis bit his lip as he began to unbutton Michael's gown. He peeled the gown off the boy and tossed it on the floor. Michael whimpered again and rolled to the side, curling into himself. Louis didn’t understand how he wasn’t cold in just his boxers. He watched Michael's breaths begin to calm down and he tugged at the blankets.

There was a soft knock at the door before Liam entered. He looked slightly startled to see Louis but he gave him a soft smile. He carried a few blankets in his arms for Michael. Liam set them on the floor and picked up one of them.

“Where is his gown?” Liam asked to give Louis an odd look. Louis motioned to the floor.

“He complained it was too hot and itchy.” Louis explained. Liam nodded. He placed his hand on Michael feeling his cold skin. He sighed and covered him with the blanket. Liam sat down on the side of the bed. He liked to feel the boys warm body heat press against him it, let him know that he was slightly alright. He ran his hand through the boy's shaggy hair. His natural dirty blonde hair was beginning to show at his roots.

“Luke really misses him. He is quite upset.” Liam said. Louis nodded sadly biting the inside of his cheek.

“Maybe he could see him on Christmas at least. It might make Michael feel a bit better.” Louis suggested

“Dr. Harden would never allow that.” Liam sighed. “You know how hard it was to get you in here?”   

“Well I allow it.” Louis pointed out earning a small chuckle from Liam. “And did you hear the news?” Louis asked. Liam looked up and shook his head.

“Grizzle left. He quit last night.” Louis said. He honestly was relieved the guard quit. He scared the shit out of all the patients and the doctors. His face was soft and he looked like a teddy bear, but he was cruel. Liam on the other hand had mixed emotions about the matter. “Said it was too much. I don’t know the details, but he did get in a fight with Dr. Harden. He left quite abruptly.”

Liam nodded silently.

“He told me to tell that he will call you sometime. He wants to speak with you.” Louis continued. He nodded and glanced back at Michael who was now awake. He had rolled onto his other side facing Liam. He reached up his hand and tugged at the fabric of his pants.

“What’s wrong Michael?” Liam asked.

“Need basin…” Michael mumbled. Liam sighed and picked up the basin from the side of the bed. He placed one hand on Michael's back and sat him up. He rubbed his hand up and down the boys bare back trying to ease the pain. Louis cringed each time the boy let out a pained whimper or groan. Michael began to let out short breaths clutching the basin to his chest. Finally he felt it rise up his throat and he gasped vomiting up his lunch. He knew Louis and Liam were disappointed in him, he was supposed to keep that food down.

“Hey you're okay bud, you just gotta breathe.” Liam said gently. He placed on hand on Michael's abdomen and the other on his back. He curled into the older boy hiding his face in the side of his chest.

“If he continues like this we will have to take him off site.” Liam whispered referring to the main hospital in town. He moved Michael to the middle of the bed before he slipped a pillow under the boys head. Michael made a small whimper sound that practically melted the two boys' hearts. His eyes opened slightly like a pup.

“Can you keep down some water?” Louis asked. Michael thought for a second before nodding and reaching for the foam cup. He pressed the straw to his lips and drank slowly trying not to upset his stomach. He watched Dr. Tomlinson nervously. Michael prayed he didn’t slip any medication into his drink, Dr. Harden did that often when he refused to take his medication.

He handed the cup back to Dr. Tomlinson and leaned back again, letting his head sink down into his pillow.

“How long has he been like this?” Louis asked Liam. The guard shrugged and sat back on the bed next to Michael. He began to run his fingers through the boy's messy fringe.

“Er, i’m gonna stay with him a while I think.” Liam said. Louis bit his tongue and nodded. He gathered his things and left the two boys alone. He glanced through the door window and noticed Liam reaching for Michael's book.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a kudo so I know if people are enjoying this. Also i'm a desperate bitch so leave a comment or a complaint lol


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam finally hears from Grizzle  
> Louis has a nightmare  
> Michael isn't getting better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of May 17th, 2017 I have changed Zayn several times in this story. I am not good at planning so sorry for the confusion. So Zayn is now Harry's childhood/family friend and is not a doctor at the asylum. He isn’t working at a radio station either. He is now a police officer. Sorry for the confusion!

 

__

_“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked._

_“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”_

_“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice._

_“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”_  

_****_

**December 19th, 1975 9:00 pm**

Liam slipped off his boots and flipped on the lights to his room. He had spent half the day with Michael and the other half keeping an eye on the boys. He had finally put them to bed and was now alone. He quickly noticed the white envelope on his desk. He sighed and sat down at his desk chair. Liam quickly tore open the envelope and began to read the note.  
**  
**

_Dear Mr. Payne_   
_I know I have left this job suddenly and have put you in a bad place. I apologize. I may seem like cruel and wicked man to most but I have come to the realization that I myself have gone mad. The years I have worked at Angelic Lakes have physically and mentally been a living hell. It started off fine until recently. I believe I have indeed gone mad. The last three years I went off the deep end. Seeing Mr. Clifford lying on the floor sparked something inside me and I knew at that moment I must leave. I am sorry. I am going to get help for myself and I hope you never come to this point in your life. I wish you the best and please take care of the boys. It may have seemed like I hated them, but deep down I care about them deeply._   
_Sincerely Raymond T. Gristle_

Liam felt sick reading the letter. Gristle had gone mad. He set down the letter and ran his hands over his face. Finally he let out a shaky breath before wandering over to his bed and blacking out.

 

**December 20th, 1975 3:00 am**

**  
** The boy hovered over Louis. His cold breath sent shivers down his spine. There was something in his eyes Louis had never seen before, it was pure evil.   
  
“Harry please don’t…” Louis begged. He tried to sit up, but the boy placed his knee on his chest pushing him back down.   
  
“Are you scared of me?” His voice turned cold. Tears began to fill Louis’s eyes. “Are you fuckin’ scared of me, you bastard?” Harry screamed. He wrapped his cold hands around Louis’s neck and began to squeeze. Louis gasped as he tried to struggle again his grip. Harry laughed carelessly and let go of the doctor's neck.   
  
He situated himself on top of the doctor practically straddling him. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a scalpel. He waved the instrument in front of the doctor's face and hummed. He carelessly pressed the blade against the doctor's chin tracing the outline of his jaw.   
  
“Please Harry…” He begged. Harry pressed his lips together forming a thin smile. He yanked back the scalpel and stabbed it into the doctor's chest.   
  
His breath hitched as he jerked forward. He hung his head, trying to catch his breath. He blinked his eyes quickly trying to adjust to the light.   
  
“You were having a panic attack in your sleep Louis. I could hear it next door in my room. Thought it would be better for me to wake you before Dr. Harden heard.” Liam sighed. Louis held his head in his hands and nodded slowly. “You okay Lou?” Liam asked.   
  
“Uh y-yeah.” Louis mumbled. He decided to ignore the nickname Liam had given him. It actually was oddly comforting. “Um just had a dream…”   
  
“You can talk about it if you need.” Liam suggested. Louis only shrugged.   
  
“Sorta unprofessional.” Louis mumbled back. He kicked the covers off himself and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Liam gave him a soft smile.   
  
“Was it about Harry?” Liam asked. Louis was silent. He only hung his head and nodded. Liam sighed and sat down beside the doctor. “I’m not gonna tell anyone if that is what you are worried about.”   
  
“That’s exactly what someone who is going to tell says.” Louis grumbled. Liam rolled his eyes and gave the doctor a shrug. Liam glanced over at the clock and sighed.   
  
“I’m going back to bed Lou, will you be alright?” He asked.   
  
“You can stay… If you want…” His voice began to trail off.   
  
“Louis, that isn’t professional behavior.” Liam sighed.   
  
“Since when am I professional?” Louis was quick to argue. Liam laughed genuinely and plopped down on the dark green recliner. He took that as a yes and curled back up into his own bed before slowly drifting back into a dreamless sleep.

 

 **December 20th, 1975 3:00 pm**

Harry sighed loudly and sank back into the sofa. They had been in session for almost forty five minutes and Harry hadn’t talked for more than a minute. He only nodded or gave short, quick answers. His eyes were fixed on the tape recorder. It was mandatory for all therapy sessions to be recorded. Louis let out a frustrated sigh and tipped down his glasses.   
  
“Harry these sessions are supposed to be helping you. I can not help you if you refuse to communicate.” Dr. Tomlinson sighed. Harry shrugged slightly. Louis knew Harry wasn’t going to open up to him. How was he possibly supposed to tell Dr. Tomlinson about his problems? The man had given him a hand job the other day and took a bath with him.   
  
“I don’t have any problems. I don’t need help.” Harry grumbled.   
  
“You obviously do if you are sitting in my office.” Louis said. “What is on your mind Harry? What is bothering you?” He asked.   
  
“You saw me naked.” Harry said bluntly. Dr. Tomlinson frowned.   
  
“I’ve seen many patients naked Harry. But that shouldn’t bother you.” Louis sighed. Harry shook his head and looked up at the doctor.   
  
“You touched my cock and I liked it.” Harry mumbled. The doctor sighed and paused the tape. He ejected the tape and tossed it in his desk drawer.   
  
“Harry, we can’t talk about this now.” Louis sighed as he took off his glasses and set them on the desk.   
  
“Then when can we? All I can think about is how you touched my cock!” Harry hissed.   
  
“You told me to Harry. You asked for it.”   
  
“I was confused!” Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. Dr. Tomlinson sighed and stood up from his seat. He slowly walked towards the sofa and sat down beside Harry. The boy flinched when he reached his arm out.   
  
“Do you love me?” Harry asked sheepishly. Louis was silent. Legally, he couldn’t even answer that question. He did love Harry. Even though the boy was a killer and mentally insane, he loved him more than any other patient. “Do you love me?” Harry asked again but louder.   
  
“I c-can’t answer that Harry. I -”   
  
“Do it again.” Harry begged. He pressed his body up against Louis and buried his fingers into his shoulders. “Please I just want one more time. It’s been so long.”   
  
“Harry no! I don’t want you!” Louis hissed. Harry froze as his heart shattered. He gripped the doctor's collar trying to pull him closer, but Louis was overcome with fear. Was it his dream? Was it coming true? He couldn’t risk it. q   
  
“STOP!” Louis yelled. He pushed Harry off him. His forehead collided with the tiled floor and the boy landed on the ground with a ‘umth’. He quickly curled into himself and whimpered quietly. Louis stared at the boy in silence. He began to make a strange whining sound. It was almost animal like.   
  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Harry began to cry ignoring Louis. He hugged his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth. Louis sighed and approached Harry slowly. He cradled Harry's head in his arms, trying to keep him still.   
  
“Harry stop. You're bleeding.” Louis sighed. The boy jerked away from him and rolled away. He lay flat on his back with his hands clutching his head.   
  
“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sor-”   
  
“HARRY STOP!” Louis yelled. The boy froze and curled further into himself. He began to sob again. The door to Louis’s office swung open and Liam appeared in perfect timing. He noticed Harry struggling to get away from Dr. Tomlinson. As he stepped closer he began to notice the tiny stream of red liquid leaking from above his forehead.   
  
“Can you get a towel from the loo and the first aid kit on the shelf?” Louis’s voice cracked slightly at the end of the question. He was trying to remain calm, but was failing miserably. Liam nodded and quickly grabbed two towels. One wet and one dry.   
  
“Hold him for me.” Louis mumbled. Liam nodded and took Harry. He laid the boy on his back with his head on his lap. He slipped the light blue rubber gloves over his hands and opened the first aid kit.   
  
Liam looked down at Harry. The boy opened his eyes wide then slowly shut them again. Everything was blurry. Liam watched Louis use the wet towel to clean the wound on his head. Sadly Liam had actually seen many head injuries in his time working at the institution, but luckily he knew that this one wasn’t major.   
  
“Don’t go to sleep yet Harry.” Dr. Tomlinson said. Harry opened his eyes and looked up at the doctor. He felt distant. Their bond was broken. He pushed back Harry's messy hair and applied some medications to the cut. Harry winced as the doctor pressed the dry towel against his head.   
  
“Hold this right there.” Dr. Tomlinson ordered. Harry nodded sheepishly and held the cloth in place. Liam held him while the doctor quickly checked his vitals. He came to the conclusion that Harry didn’t have a concussion he had just bumped his head very hard. He placed a bandage over the gash forming on Harry's forehead.   
  
“Hungry.” Harry mumbled. Louis ignored him and continued to pack up his supplies. Harry had eaten breakfast at seven and it was nearly three pm. He had missed lunch because of his appointment.   
  
“Is he okay to go eat now?” Liam asked. Louis thought for a moment, glancing over at the clock and shook his head.   
  
“No, take him out to do his chores.” Louis ordered. Harry looked up at him sadly. He didn’t want to go shovel the snow and chop wood. He just wanted to have something to fill his stomach.   
  
“Didn’t have lunch though.” Harry said sadly. Liam sighed and helped the boy stand up. He walked slowly with Harry down the hallway. The boy stumbled over his feet slightly.   
  
“Thought we goin’ out.” Harry said nervously as they turned the corner. Liam motioned for him to follow into the kitchen.   
  
“Thought you would like to help me. I need to bring Michael lunch and I can get you something to eat too.” Liam said. He pointed to the bar stool motioning for Harry to sit. The boy happily scurried over to the stool and swung his legs. He anxiously watched Liam make him a peanut butter sandwich.   
  
Harry ate quickly and watched Liam uncover the red tray with Michael's name tag on it.   
  
“Would you like to come with me?” Liam asked. Harry nodded quickly and hopped down from the stool. He rode the elevator down to the bottom floor where Michael was staying. He hadn’t been down there much unless he was forced to see Dr. Harden or was in trouble. He followed Liam down the hall. All four solo rooms were empty except for one with the light on.   
  
Michael was rolled on his side with his face hidden under the oxygen mask. He had curled in his knees and hugged his pillow to his chest. Liam smiled slightly as he set down the lunch tray on the nightstand.   
  
“Shut the door, Harry and pull up a seat.” Liam said. He unhooked the mask and set it to the side. The other night Dr. Tomlinson found that Michael was having trouble breathing correctly in his sleep and extra oxygen was helping him.   
  
Liam placed one hand on his chest and the other on his back and helped Michael sit up. The boy yawned and slowly opened his eyes. He noticed the IV hooked into Michael's left arm and took to the drip trying to see what was being put into the boy's body.   
  
“What is this? Who gave this to you?” Liam asked.   
  
“Don’t know, Dr. Harden gave me it-” Michael couldn’t even finish his sentence before Liam was already undoing the drip. He yanked the IV from Michael's had caused the boy to whimper slightly.   
  
After unhooking everything Liam reached for the tray. He kicked out the legs of the lap tray and set it down carefully trying not the spill any of the food. He set the cover aside and let Michael observe his food for a moment. It was different from what he was normally fed when he was semi healthy. There was a small custard cup of chicken broth along with a little pack of club crackers and half a bagel with cream cheese.   
  
“Water?” Michael asked. Liam reached for the juice box.   
  
“Got you juice actually.” He said holding up the box. Michael watched him poke the straw into the green juice box. Even though he was nauseous, he decided to drink some of the juice. He swallowed thickly, trying to fight the urge to spit the liquid back up.   
  
He decided the broth seemed the most appetizing and quickly reached for the spoon. Harry watched Michael curiously. He noted that his normally greyish-green eyes looked dull and filled with exhaustion.   
  
Michael forced himself to swallow about several spoonfuls of the broth. It was bland and tasteless but he knew it wouldn’t upset his stomach. He felt Harry still staring at him. When he looked up Harry immediately looked down. He stared at the bandage on Harry's forehead for a moment before looking uneasily at his lunch.   
  
“Can you eat your crackers or roll Michael?” Liam asked. Michael dropped his head, staring down at the tray. He shook his head. Liam sighed and moved the food onto the nightstand. He noticed Michael's gown was slightly dirty.   
  
“I’m gonna go find your clean clothes, alright?” Liam said before disappearing into the hall. Now that Liam was gone Michael didn’t waste any time.   
  
“Can you tell Calum and Ashton i’m okay? You can lie.” Michael mumbled. Harry chewed the inside of his cheek and nodded. He didn’t necessarily want to lie to Calum and Ashton but deep down he knew it was for the better. 

 

**December 22nd, 1975 7:00 pm**

“I’m not going to ask you again Mr. Clifford open your mouth.” Dr. Haren hissed. He poked the end of the thermometer against Michael's lips, forcing the metal stick inside. Dr. Harden began to scribble down notes while he waited for the temperature. He felt something grab him and jumped.   


“Don't ever touch me again.” He hissed slapping the boy's hand away. Michael opened his mouth, letting the thermometer fall.

“Need basin.” Michael mumbled. Ten minutes later the room smelled of vomit. Dr. Harden had watched the boy puke up everything in his system. He didn’t even bother to help hold the boy up or rub his back. Liam always helped him, Dr. Tomlinson did too. Even Grizzle probably would have helped a little. 

Dr. Harden set the basin to the side and held out several tiny white pills along with a glass of water. 

“No, hurt stomach.” Michael groaned. The doctor frowned and forced the boy to open his mouth.

“You are paranoid you are making yourself sick. It is not my medication.” His tone sent shivers down Michael's spin. He swallowed thickly. The pills slid down his dry throat and he reached for the water. He held the water up to his lips and took a small swig before pushing the cup back into Dr. Harden's hands.

“Where are ya’ doing to me?” Michael asked nervously. He wanted to reach out and try to get a hug again, but he knew that the doctor would only push him away. He just wanted Dr. Tomlinson or Liam to be there.

Dr. Harden places his hand on Michael's chest and forced him to sit back. The medication was beginning to kick in and he felt his eyes getting heavy. He sighed weakly finally giving into his body and let his eyes slip shut.

“Michael please wake up.” Louis was practically begging for the boy to open his eyes. His head flopped forward and he let out a weak groan. “You are vomiting in your sleep Michael. I’m gonna take this off and wash you up.” Michael opened his eyes slowly to see Dr. Tomlinson hovering over him trying to untie his gown.

He leaned his head forward, trying to help. His forehead rested against the doctor's chest. His dirty gown was tossed to the side. Dr. Tomlinson held the cold washcloth to Michael's face and washed away the vomit around his mouth. Louis was lucky enough to have caught Michael when he was beginning to vomit and was able to lean him over a basin.

“You're okay Michael.” Louis sighed. He leaned the boy back, allowing him to rest his head on the pillow. “Do you want water?” He asked. Michael only stared at him blankly.

“Where Luke?” He asked. Louis gave him an odd look as he sat down on the bed beside him.

“Want Luke. Where is Luke?” He repeated.

“Who is Luke? I don’t know who that is Michael.” Louis sighed. The boy only began to tug at Louis’s lab coat trying to get him to hold him. Louis sighed and carefully picked up Michael. He noticed how light the boy was becoming. Louis allowed the boy to wrap his arms around his neck and nuzzle his face into his shoulder. He ran his hand up and down Michael's bareback.   
He felt incredibly guilty for being relieved it wasn’t Harry who was crying. He hated to see any of the boy's hurt. Michael's warm breaths tickled against his neck.

“What do you need me to do Michael?” Louis asked. 

“M’cold.” Michael mumbled. Louis gently laid the boy back and opened the drawer on the nightstand pulling out a clean gown. He sat Michael back up and pulled his hands through the sleeves. Michael whimpered slightly when he lay back again. He liked to be cuddled.

“Do you need me to call the hospital? You seem very ill.”

“It the medicine.” Michael mumbled.

“We are gonna stay with you. He won’t give you anymore.” Louis promised. Michael only stared at him blankly holding his hands over his empty stomach. He rolled to his side, curling his legs in and let out a low whimper.

“I’m gonna go let Liam alright? I’ll be right back!” Louis hurried down the hall to the phone and began to ring Liam's office. Luckily Liam picked up quickly. He told Louis he would be down as soon as he could.

Louis returned to Michael and waited beside him nervously. He rubbed his hand in smooth circles on Michael's back trying to keep him calm. Liam came quickly. He brought a cold bottle of water for Michael. Liam sat on the other side of the bed and sat the boy up. Michael reached for the water and drank quickly. They sat in silence for a few moments watching the boy.

Louis sat beside Michael gently washing the grime off his face with a cold washrag. The boy was fast asleep. He had a clear plastic oxygen mask over his mouth and was covered with a thick blanket. Each breath fogged up the tiny mask.

Loud footsteps echoed down the hallway.

“It’s not a visiting day sir! If you would like to visit Mr. Clifford you need to arrange that in advance!” Liam yelled hurrying down the hall. Louis turned to see a boy standing in the doorway. He was tall and had a fluffy blonde quiff. He wore a dark green parka along with an off white sweater.

Louis rose up from his seat and stepped in front of Michael protectively.

“You can not be in here sir.” Louis said. The boy glared at him and stepped into the room.

“What is your name sir?” Louis sighed as he reached for the sign in sheet.

“Luke Hemmings.”

“The one who was arrested with Michael?” He asked.

“I’m out of jail. I’m getting better. Just let me see my friend.” Luke sighed.

“When were you released?” Liam asked.

“Yesterday. I came straight here. Got nowhere else. Let me see him.” Luke grumbled. Liam and Louis exchanged looks and finally sighed giving in. hey both knew if Dr. Harden found out they let the boy in to see Michael he would be in a shitload of trouble.

“Dr. Tomlinson I can handle this. You go.” Liam said. Louis nodded and wandered into the hallway. “Take his chair.” He said motioning to the empty stool. Luke swallowed thickly and pulled up the stool sitting beside his friend. He nervously ran his fingers through Michael's shaggy hair.

“How long has he been like this?” Luke asked.

“About a week.” Liam lied. Well it was a half lie. Michael had only been ill for about a week but he didn’t know how long he had been forced to take the medication. He feared that Michael had actually been hiding the fact that he was sick for awhile. “He was brought in here after he injured himself.”

“He did what?”

“Well he cut his thigh open.” Liam began to walk towards Michael and lift up the covers showing the boys stitching on his thigh. Luke cringed slightly. He looked at Michael's skinny legs.

“He is skinny. Are they starving him?” Luke asked. Liam sighed. For a troubled teen the boy wasn’t stupid. He knew something was up with Michael. Liam shut the door and sat on the end of the bed.

“When will he be released? They were supposed to release him last summer.” Luke said. Liam sighed. He didn’t have the heart to tell Luke that his friend would most likely never be released. He was more fucked up now than he was back when he was admitted.  

“He was asking for you the other day.” Liam said trying to change the subject. Luke tilted his head curiously. “I took him to the bath and he was talking about how you two use to go swimming. Guess the bath reminded him of that.” Liam chuckled. Luke smiled slightly and looked back down at Michael. The boy was beginning to move slightly. He was trying to lift his head up. His eyes fluttered open and he stared blankly at Luke.

“You can take the mask off him. He don’t like to wear it. It’s just to help him sleep.” Liam explained. Luke nodded and began to unstrap the plastic mask. Michael slowly sat up and wrapped his arms around Luke. He leaned forward and sat on the bed so he didn’t have to move much. Michael curled into Lukes warmer body and hid his head in Lukes chest

“You still like to cuddle don’t you.” Luke chuckled. Michael only hummed softly in response and hugged Luke tighter. He moved his hands up and down Michael's back. He felt his warm breath against his neck. He practically climbed onto Lukes lap and curled up against his chest. Luke held the boy and climbed onto the bed holding him tightly.

“How long have you two known each other?” Liam asked curiously.

“Since primary school.” Luke replied. He continued to run his fingers through the boys hair. “Who dyed his hair?” He asked curiously. He noticed the dark blonde roots beginning to grow back in.

“He died it with some bleach a while back.” Liam chuckled. Luke gave him a weary smile. He felt a tug at his sleeve and looked down to see Michael looking up at him wide eyed.

“Want to go with you.” Michael mumbled.

“Michael you know I can’t do that. You are sick.” Luke sighed. Michael squeezed his eyes shut and balled one of his fists rubbing his eyes. Lukes heart broke. He wanted to take him with, he would steal him if he had to. But he knew that the only way Michael would get better was if he stayed. He was much different than when Luke last saw him. He was anxious and timid. It looked as if he hadn’t been outside for months and wasn’t fed properly.

Michael nodded sadly choking back a sob. He hid his face back in Lukes chest trying to muffle his sniffles.

“Mikey please don’t cry.” Luke sighed. Liam moved closer to the boys. He didn’t want Michael to get too worked up. It would only cause him to become short of breath and to possibly vomit again.

“Want to go with.” Michael cried. Luke slipped his hand through the open slit of Michael gown and rubbed small circles into his back. His skin was warmer than it should be and his breathing was beginning to pick up.

“Michael please take deep breaths. I don’t want you getting sick again.” Liam sighed. Michael's body was tense for a brief second before letting out a shaky deep breath. His chest was beginning to hurt but he wasn’t going to tell Liam or Dr. Tomlinson. They had enough to worry about.

Michael let out a few more muffled sniffles and hiccups before finally falling asleep in Lukes arms. Luke picked him up, moving him off his lap, and set him back down on the bed. He covered him with the thick blanket again. Liam quickly placed the mask back over Michael's mouth and listened to the low hum of air. They watched Michael let out long deep breaths with the help of the machine.


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Harden returns
> 
> Michael is sent to the hospital 
> 
> Christmas
> 
> also in this story I know Louis's birthday is the 24th of December but it didn't fit in with the story so I just left that out.

  
_“Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!"_  
  
_“Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you.”_

__

**December 23rd, 1975 1:00 pm**  
  
Niall watched nervously from his own tub. The boy thrashed about in Dr. Harden's arms, trying to get away. Michael usually didn’t mind baths, but he felt ill. His stomach still hurt. Niall knew for a fact that Dr. Tomlinson had ordered the boy to stay in his room. Dr. Harden ignored his request and dragged the boy out claiming that he need a bath. In niall's opinion, he felt the doctor just wanted to torture the boy.  
  
“Too cold!” Michael cried as the doctor forced him into the tub. Hydrotherapy was a common practice at many asylums. The patient would be placed in either a hot bath or cold bath and was covered with a tarp so only their head stuck out. They would then sit in the bath for several hours.  
  
Niall was lucky enough to get a warm bath this time, but he would have given up his nice warm bath so Michael didn’t have to take the ice bath. An orderly held the boy down while Dr. Harden began to strap him in. They placed the cover over Michael securing him in his spot. He continued to thrash and cry as the doctor began to help two other patients into their tub. Dr. Harden marched back over to Michael and yanked off the cover. Michael tried to scramble to his feet, but the doctor was faster.  
  
“Go strap him. He will get sprayed.” Dr. Harden announces. The orderly nodded and grabbed Michael. Niall knew that Michael was fucked. Luckily he had only witnessed other patients get sprayed down.  
  
He was dragged across the floor and pressed against the restraints. They strapped his naked body up in an X like position. Michael continued to cry, begging them not to. Niall felt sick to his stomach.  
  
“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!” Michael screamed. The doctor frowned and began to unclip his belt. The other patients began to mumble to one another when they were interrupted by the whip of the belt. Michael cried out. Niall lost count after fifteen. When Dr. Harden saw that Michael's ass was bright red he was satisfied with himself.  
  
He relooped his belt and walked back to the jet controls. Michael was hit with a blast of steaming hot water. He howled and threw his head back, that being the only part of his body he could actually move. The water switched to a freezing cold temperature and he cried louder. His stomach hurt like hell. He knew he was supposed to be in bed, but Dr. Harden took him out.  
  
The patients watched in silence from their tubs as the process was repeated several times. Each time Michael's cries got slightly quieter, mainly from pure exhaustion. Finally the spray stopped. Dr. Harden slowly walked over to Michael and unstrapped him. The boy stumbled back before falling to the ground. Niall noticed the skin on Michael back was blistered and swollen from the water pressure.  
  
“H-He needs a towel.” Niall spoke up. When Dr. Harden turned towards him, his heart speed up rapidly.  
  
“I don’t think that will be necessary.” Niall shivered hearing the doctor's cold tone. He watched nervously as Michael curled into himself continuing to cry quietly as he shivered. The doctor left, slamming the door behind him.  
  
They stared in silence. Even George didn’t dare to say something. It was terrifying. The boy was having a full fledged panic attack and none of the staff was helping him. Niall tried to get out of the bath, but the sheet restrained him.  
  
“Mikey can you come over here? Let me help you.” Niall said gently. The boy ignored him and continued to cry. He had never felt a connection to Michael before, but for some reason he felt the need to watch over him in a brotherly way.  
  
His ass was still bright red. The rest of his body was a lighter shade of red from the water pressure. Niall looked over at the two other boys in their baths. They seemed concerned too.  
  
Niall continued to call Michael's name but the boy never answered. He finally gave up after several minutes and watched the clock waiting anxiously for a staff member to come and unstrap the boy's from their baths and to tend to Michael. His bath water was already beginning to get colder by the second.  
  
Finally the large metal lock on the door clicked and Liam appeared. Niall let out a sigh of relief. Liam began to walk to him but he immediately motioned his head to Michael. Liam sighed sadly seeing the boy curled up in a ball. He quickly untied Niall's cover.  
  
“Go untie them.” Liam ordered as he handed Niall a towel. Niall nodded and wrapped the towel around his waist.  
  
Liam slowly approached Michael careful not to startle him. He grabbed the nearest dry towel and draped it over the boy. He picked up Michael and set him on his lap trying to stop him from shaking. He didn’t think it was possible for Michael to look any paler but he managed to. Michael let out short panicked whimpers and buried his face in Liam's chest.  
  
The practical thing to do would be to just put Michael to sleep forever. He wasn’t getting better. Dr. Harden wasn’t helping him one bit. He was only getting sicker.  
  
“Boys go get dressed and go down to the common room.” Liam sighed. The two boys nodded, but Niall continued to stare blankly at the boy in Liam's arms. He could hardly even recognise him as Michael. He was a twig. He looked so small and fragile. “Niall, go.” Liam sighed. Niall stayed frozen.  
  
“Is he gonna be okay?” Niall asked, trying to swallow the lump forming in his throat. Liam sighed and forced a nod. He honestly didn’t know anymore. It seemed like the world was against Michael.  
  
“Why don’t you go get dressed and bring him back his clothes?” Liam asked. Niall nodded and wandered away into the dressing room.  
  
“Hurt.” Michael whimpered burying his head back into Liam's chest. He was about to rub the boy's back, but he didn’t want to irritate his skin anymore, so instead he ran his fingers through Michael's damp shaggy hair. He leaned back against the wall rocking Michael slightly. He knew how to stop panic attacks easily, but Michael's seemed different. He wasn’t panicking, he was terrified. Michael was supposed to stay in his room, it was Dr. Tomlinson's orders.  
  
“Do you feel sick? What do you need me to do?” Liam asked.  
  
“Want Luke.” He mumbled.  
  
“He is coming tomorrow, remember? Tomorrow is Christmas eve.” Liam forced a smile, but Michael only stared at him as if he were stupid.  
  
“I-I got the clothes.” Niall said nervously. Liam gave him a soft smile as he stool Michael up. He side the boxers over the boy's legs then the red flannel sweats. Michael basically only wore pajamas. He liked how they were comfortable. Liam decided to leave the shirt off so he didn’t irritate his back.  
  
“Do you want to be carried or can you walk?” Liam asked already knowing the answer.  
  
“Carry.” Michael mumbled. Liam nodded lifting the boy up. Michael rested his head in the crook of Liam's neck and dozed off.  
  
  
  
**December 24th, 1975 10:30 am**  
  
“They fucking beat him! That’s damn well illegal!” Luke didn’t mean to raise his voice at Liam he was just frustrated.  
  
“Don’t yell, you will wake him up.” Liam sighed. He had spent practically the whole night trying to calm Michael down. He put some cream on the boys bottom and gave him the softest pair of flannel pajama pants he could find along with a pair of fuzzy socks. Michael lay on his stomach with no covers and no shirt.  
  
Luke lets out a shaky deep breath and wheeled the doctor's stool to the spot beside the bed. He cringed as he noticed the red splotches littering Michael's back.  
  
“His skin is burned? Why is his skin burned?” Luke growled. Officer Malik took a step closer to Luke and placed his hand on his shoulder. He knew Lukes temper was short and Luke would snap.  
  
“We have been putting cream on it so it will heal and-”  
  
“Why the fuck is his skin burned?” Luke hissed as he formed a fist. Zayn gave his shoulder a small squeeze signaling for him to calm himself. Luke squeezed his eyes shut and silently counted back from ten just like the therapist at the prison had taught him.  
  
“Why don’t you grab a seat Zayn?” Liam asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. The officer nodded and grabbed one of the empty seats. He tugged it over and sat beside the bed with some space between him and Luke. Liam actually knew Zayn quite well. They were close in age. He knew him from the numerous times he had escorted patients to the asylum and from his visits with Harry.  
  
Shortly after Louis came in sporting his white lab coat. It was only first and some second degree burns on his back so it wasn’t that critical, but it was still painful for the boy. He used some Aloe Vera and a mix of several antibiotics and creams to clean the burns. He then covered them with an ointment and bandaged his back. Louis tried his best to ignore the cold glares that Luke was sending him. He felt guilty so he began to hurry.  
  
“I’ll change the bandages again tonight after his shower.” Louis mumbled to Liam. He nodded and watched Louis scurry away.  
  
About a minute later Michael stirred in his sleep letting out a small whimper. He pushed himself up with his arms since he didn’t dare roll onto his back even though it was bandaged. Michael situated himself on his bottom. It hurt slightly, but he was tired of lying down. He balled his fists and rubbed his eyes. Liam slipped the boys creamy white sweater over his head and helped him put his arms through.  
  
“You came back?” Michael asked. He smiled at Luke and he couldn’t help but smile back. He wanted to hug the boy, but he didn’t want to irritate the skin on his back. Luke reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny package.  
  
“Brought you a present.” Luke said. Michael curiously took the little cardboard box and set it on his lap.  
  
“I didn’t get you nothin’ though.” Michael mumbled.  
  
“Just open it Mikey.”Luke huffed. Michael snickered and carefully opened the box. He moved away the tissue paper and smiled. It was a tiny pink circular [box ](https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3782/9575533073_c366555da3_b.jpg)with the Cheshire cat engraved on the top along with the mad hatter engraved in the side. Michael opened the lid and smiled when Alice sprung up.  
  
“You twist the bottom lock.” Luke explained. He took the box and shut it as he twisted the crank before handing it back to Michael. “Now open it.”  
  
Michael opened the box and Alice popped up again. She began to dance in a circle and he smiled as he light music played.  
  
“Thank you Luke. I love it.” Michael grinned. Luke smiled back. Zayn had actually bought the music box for him. Being fresh out of jail Luke was dirt poor he could hardly even afford a house. Zayn was kind enough to let him use his guest bedroom as long as the kept it low key. If the station found out he would be in major trouble.  
  
“Can you sit with me?” Michael asked quietly. Luke quickly looked to Liam who nodded in approval. Luke climbed on the bed and sat beside Michael, who leaned his head on his shoulder.  
  
“Zayn why don’t we go into the hall for a minute, give them some alone time. We can check on them through the window.” Liam suggested. Zayn nodded and followed Liam out.  
  
“Does your stomach still hurt? Are you eating?”  
  
“Yes and Yes.” Michael mumbled. Luke noticed the pink basin on the floor on the other side of the bed.  
  
“You threw up this morning?” Luke asked. Michael hung his head and nodded. “Mikey, are you making yourself throw up or is it just happening?” Luke asked.  
  
“I’m not trying to, I just feel queasy.” Michael sighed. Luke nodded and began to rub circles on the boys thigh. The stitches were beginning to fade. Luke prayed Michael wouldn’t get hurt anymore. He wanted to get him out of there in one piece.  
  
He spent the day with Michael. Luke took time to help him read his book and to even play a few games of cards with him. He loved being back with his best friend even if the boy was ill.  


**December 24th, 1975 7:30 pm**

Dr. Tomlinson had taken Michael down to the common room to watch Christmas movies with the other boys. He was still sick but he thought it might do him some good. He sat between Calum and Ashton. There was a storm. Some of the other patients were complaining that Santa would not come. It was sad to Liam that some of them still believed but it was also kinda cute so he played along.

“Dr. Tomlinson!” A voice yelled. Louis set down his mug and spun around. Ashton was almost out of breath. “Michael! He is throwing up! He threw up blood!” The boy exclaimed. Louis rushed to the other side of the room where the other patients were already beginning to crowd around the boy. Louis pushed through and froze.

Calum was knelt beside Michael. The boy was on the ground slumped over next to a pile of stomach acid. There were small chunks of blood in the acid. Michael was still dry heaving trying to get the rest out.

Thinking quick Louis grabbed a bowl and handed it to Ashton for Michael to vomit in. He turned to the other boys and looked to Harry and Niall.

“Niall take them in the hall now and Harry go find Liam.” He ordered. The two boys nodded. Louis looked back to Michael who was still hunched over. Calum was beside him now too.

“Fucking hell.” Louis cursed under his breath before walking over. “Do you need to vomit anymore?” Louis asked fearful of the answer. Michael nodded weakly and leaned back over the bowl. Calum held Michael up and let him finish coughing up the little he had left in his stomach. He fell onto Calum and cried out again. His face was flushed. Fat tears poured out from his eyes. The boy shook in his arms panting heavily. He coughed violently. It felt like the boy's insides were about to give out.

Louis felt horrible he didn’t know what he could do to help. He knew Michael was hungry but he couldn’t seem to keep any food down. It was the fucking medication Dr. Harden had tricked him into taking. Louis leaned forward and gently rubbed his hand up and down the boy's arm trying to relax him. Michael only continued to cry out hugging his aching stomach. He tipped him back trying to feel his forehead for a temperature. It was warmer than normal.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked breathlessly popping his head through the door. Michael suddenly jerked forward and gagged again. Before Louis could fetch the bowl the boy vomited on the floor.

“Call the hospital.” Louis’s voice was urgent. Liam knew to ask no questions he only nodded and hurried down the hall to the phone.

“I h-hurt.” Michael rasped out staring at the small pile of vomit. He clutched onto Louis’s lab coat still crying uncontrollably. “I hungry, I c-can’t eat n-nothing.” Michael cried. Louis swallowed thickly looking back at the loaf in the middle of the room. “Want Luke. I d-don’t want to be h-here. I want to g-go home.” Calum sighed and cupped the boy's face holding it against his chest. Michael let out soft muffled whimpers. His stomach continued to painfully groan and grumble. He fell forward again and vomited up a fairly small amount of stomach acid. Even though it wasn’t much it still worried Louis.

“Shhh. You are gonna be okay Michael. Were gonna call the big hospital alright?” Louis kpt his voice as calm as he could. Michael only looked up at him blankly. His heart was beating out of his chest. He dug his nails into his sides and sobbed.

“Ambulance is coming now. We need to get him out.” Liam said. He disappeared into the hallway and returned with a dark blue wheelchair. He reached for Michael's faded green bathrobe and pulled it from the hook. Liam handed the robe of to Louis who slid it over Michael's shaking arms. Michael began to whine trying to take the robe off.

“Michael it’s cold out you need to wear some type of clothing.” Louis sighed. He picked up the boy and placed him in the wheelchair. Liam grabbed a new plastic basin from the cupboard and placed it on Michael's lap. He followed behind the wheelchair.

Liam wheeled Michael into the elevator along with Dr. Tomlinson. Michael was quiet for the ride only breathing softly and gripping his basin tightly. The elevator dinged as the reached the first floor and Michael was wheeled out. Michael continued to let out pained cries as he held his stomach.

The boys in the common room heard the elevator and began to press their faces against the windows that looked into the hallway. The other patients began to murmur talking about Michael. The moment Ashton heard Michael's name he pushed through the crowd and pressed his face up to the window.

He hadn’t seen his best friend for a whole week. His skin was pale along with his bloodshot greenish- brown eyes. Ashton began to bang his fists against the window trying to get Michael's attention. The boy turned his head slowly and stared blankly at Ashton.

“Where are you taking him!” Ashton yelled.“WHERE IS HE GOING!?!?” Ashton screamed. He punched the window. Luckily the glass was unbreakable. He was quickly yanked back by Calum.

“Ashton. Stop.” Calum hissed pinning the boy's arms back. Ashton kicked at Calum’s ankle forcing the stronger boy to loosen his grip. Harry and Niall stared at Michael in silence. They just wanted him to be okay.  The boys ran towards the front windows and began to whisper when they saw the ambulance through the mist of snow. Ashton lunged towards the window but Calum held him back. They silently watched Michael being lifted onto the stretcher as if he weighed nothing. He was wheeled into the ambulance.

He watched Liam and Dr. Tomlinson begin to talk to the paramedics.

“There is something in his system. He will need his stomach pumped.” The paramedic explained as he began to strap Michael in. Michael's eyes widen and he began to breath heavily again. He scrunched up his face and began to cry out again. The paramedic placed her hand gently on Michael's and stroked his bruised knuckles trying to calm him.

“You're alright boy.” The man said softly. She looked back to the two men. “We need one of you to go with him.” He said. The two boys exchanged looks and Liam sighed.

“I feel like I should go take care of the other boys. Ashton and Calum will be upset.” He whispered. Louis sighed and nodded. He watched Liam disappear back inside the asylum. Michael was being lifted onto the ambulance. His breathing was still off beat. The lady gave Louis a sympathetic smile and motioned for him to follow. He sighed and climbed in the ambulance.

The ambulance was much warmer than outside. They covered Michael with a thick blue blanket trying to warm him up.

“Michael you're okay. You are getting yourself worked up.” Louis sighed. The boy turned his head towards the doctor and parted his lips slightly. Louis was relieved that Michael was finally out of the asylum. He never wanted him to go out this way though.

The paramedic was kind to Michael for the ride. He gave the boy water and tried his best to comfort him. There wasn’t much he could do to help the boy besides keep him comfortable.  
  
When they finally reached the hospital the boy was wheeled out of the ambulance and into the back doors where he was taken immediately to get his stomach pumped. They left Louis in a smaller room saying they would be with them shortly. He waited for an hour or so reading the magazines on the table.  
  
Finally a doctor appeared in the door. Louis knew the doctor slightly, but not too well. He remembered him as Dr. Griffin. He looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties. He was slightly chubby but not too overweight and had a shorter light brown cut similar to Liam's. He reminded Louis of a young father.  
  
“Good evening Dr. Tomlinson.” He said. Louis gave him a small nod as he sat on the stool. “He had his stomach pumped and we conducted an exam.” He said. The doctor opened a yellow file and slid several papers over to Louis.  
  
“Now I know I am not supposed to comment on medical health treatments, but during the exam I found severe bruising on his bottom, back and pelvic area. I don’t know what kind of treatments are going on over there at the institution but I can assure you I will not hesitate to call the police if he returns.” The doctor warned as he slid Louis a pen. Louis bit his lip and nodded nervously. He began to fill out the paperwork for Michael.  
  
Before Dr. Griffin could speak again a young nurse pushed Michael's wheelchair into the room. He still wore his bathrobe, but now held a fluffy brown teddy bear to his chest. The bear had a red first aid heart on it’s chest.  
  
Dr. Griffin smiled slightly at the sleeping boy.  
  
“He is all set to go. There is a taxi outside.” The nurse chirped. Louis mumbled a quick thank you to the nurse before pushing Michael out of the room.  
  
“And Dr. Tomlinson,” Dr. Griffin called. Louis turned his head to see what the man wanted. “Happy holidays.”  
  
                                                              *    *    *    *    *    *

When they returned to the asylum Liam was still awake waiting at the front door. It was ten minutes past midnight. Liam took the boy by Louis’s arms and sighed. 

“He got his stomach pumped. He shouldn’t be vomiting anymore.” Louis explained. Liam nodded, looking down at the boy.  
  
“You should get rest Louis. I’ll put him to bed.” Liam said. Louis nodded. He handed over the bar from the hospital and wandered down the hall towards his room.

He was quickly stopped by a voice calling after him. He turned and immediately cursed under his breath when he saw Dr. Harden staring back at him.  
  
“Where is Mr. Cliffords?” Dr. Harden asked. Louis frowned.  
  
“He was taken to the hospital. He was vomiting blood.” Dr. Harden was silent for a moment as he took in the information. “He said it was the medication you gave him. You did this to him. Go to hell.”  
  
“Dr. Tomlinson it was not my intention to harm-”  
  
“Bullshit! That’s bullshit!” Louis exclaimed. “You took him out of his room against my orders! You spanked him and sprayed him down! Got him all worked up! You torture him for your own pleasure!”  
  
“I believe you might be losing your mind Dr. Tomlinson.” He chuckled. Louis clenched his fists at his sides as he narrowed his eyes. “You are becoming one of them. You are roped into their dirty little tricks. I can assure you that Mr. Clifford is a suicidal, mentally ill, faggot. He needs to be treated and if he dies from that treatment so be it. The world is not a place for boys like him and -” Louis swung. The doctor gasped as he cupped his stinging jaw.  
  
“Get the fuck out of here before I call the police.” Louis hissed. The doctor glared at him.  
  
“Do you really think I am afraid of you Mr. Tomlinson?” He chuckled crossing his arms over his chest. The older man took a step closer to Louis. “You are a young, ignorant boy. You know nothing. You will never understand the trouble those homosexual retards causes. They are an abomination to our race.”  
  
“And you aren't?” Louis snorted dryly. Dr. Harden smirked.  
  
“You have so much to learn one day you will understand. One day you will follow in my shadow.”  
  
“I will never be like you. Louis hissed.  
  
“I am human Mr. Tomlinson. Inside I might be a monster, but aren't we all?” Dr. Harden gave Louis a small, relaxed smile as he took a step back into the hallway. “One day it will all connect and you will understand.” Dr. Harden said in a song-singy voice. He turned on his heel and slowly began to walk away from Louis’s room before disappearing into the dark hallway.  
  
Louis stepped back and let the door swing shut on it’s own. He flopped back in his recliner and flipped on the lamp. Dr. Hardens words echoed in his head.  
  
“I am human Mr. Tomlinson. Inside I might be a monster but aren't we all?”  
  
Louis shook his head, trying to shake the thought away. No. He wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t as evil as Dr. Harden. He couldn't lose control nor go mad. He froze. What if Harry had gone mad? What if that is why he killed the doctor? He sighed, pulling the lever to put his feet up on the recliner foot rest.  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to believe such a sweet boy like Harry was capable of murdering a man in cold blood. But what if Dr. Harden was right? What if in some capacity they were all a bit mad? Maybe in some form everyone was a little bit evil.

 

**December 25th, 1975 9:00 am**

The boys had eaten their breakfast. Louis was currently asleep in his room and Liam was taking care of the boys. He led them in a line to the common room. It didn’t feel like Christmas. Dr. HArden had taken away the big pine tree in the common room claiming it was too messy and would catch fire. He had also managed to throw away most of the decorations the boy's had made.  
  
Liam jingled his keys and unlocked the door like he did every morning. But today the moment he opened the door the boys began to squeal. Liam was confused and stepped into the room. On the left side of the room right by the arched windows there was a sculpture like design. It was in the same exact place the Christmas tree was.  
  
The sculpture was in the shape of a Christmas tree. He stepped closer and noticed that it was made out of books stacked on top of one another. There was a string of lights wrapped around it along with several candy canes. There were books of all colors. He scanned several of the labels reading the titles quickly. _The Chronicles Of Narnia, Carrie, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Great Gatsby, To Kill A Mockingbird._  
  
He noticed that towards the top of the stack there were simpler books for the less educated patients. He recognised several of the titles like _The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Tale of Peter Rabbit, The Cat in the Hat, Corduroy, and The Adventures of Winnie The Pooh._  
  
Liam was confused. He knew for a fact Dr. Harden didn’t do it and Louis was gone all night at the hospital so he didn’t do it.  
  
The patients ran to the object and began to pluck the books off. They had all different levels. There were picture books and beginners books and even harder books for the boys that read well. The boys began to crowd around Liam showing him the books. He smiled hearing how happy the boys were. They began to talk about how Santa had come. It was cute to Liam. The more sane boys knew that Santa didn’t come, but they enjoyed the present anyways.  
  
Harry had snatched a copy of Carrie by Stephen King while Niall picked out Charlotte's Web by E.B White. The other boys began to show the books to Liam begging him to read to them. He turned his head and noticed a neatly wrapped light blue rectangle sitting in the windowsill behind the sculpture. He told the boy's to go agree on a book and he would read to them in a minute.  
  
Liam left the boy's to choose and he walked over to the package. He turned his back to the boy's trying to hide the package. He used his nail to slice the wrapping paper off and tossed it on the floor. It was a dark green bound book In bold type it reads “Through The Looking Glass” Liam was confused. Who left the book? The door to the room was locked how did they even get in. He noticed a small tab sticking out of the last page of the book. He was never one to read the last page first, but Liam curiously opened the book to the marked page. There was a short poem  
  
_A boat beneath a sunny sky,  
Lingering onward dreamily  
In an evening of July —  
  
Children three that nestle near, _  
_Eager eye and willing ear,_  
Pleased a simple tale to hear —  
  
Long has paled that sunny sky:  
Echoes fade and memories die:  
Autumn frosts have slain July.  
  
Still she haunts me, phantomwise,  
Alice moving under skies  
Never seen by waking eyes.  
  
Children yet, the tale to hear,  
Eager eye and willing ear,  
Lovingly shall nestle near.  
  
He paused, noticing the last two stanzas were underlined  
  
In a Wonderland they lie,  
Dreaming as the days go by,  
Dreaming as the summers die:  
  
Ever drifting down the stream —  
Lingering in the golden gleam —  
Life, what is it but a dream?  
  


  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probally about less than ten chapters left! But it's getting good! Please leave a kudo or a comment thx


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